Modern Family

Jay Pritchett Quotes (Page 9)

Jay [on teaching Manny chess]: I'm going to teach him the real version, not the Colombian version. We actually use the pieces to play the game, not smuggle stuff out of the country.
 • Rating: Unrated

Gloria: And you really didn't know he was gay?
Jay: I must have, right?
 • Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

Jay: To this day, Mitchell looks at me, I see him thinking 'that's the guy who killed Flyza Minnelli.'
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Jay: I've been through this before. When Mitchell was 9, I was supposed to take care of his bird. It got out and flew into a fan. It was like a bloody pillow fight.
 • Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

Jay: Go to dinner with him and wait for the check to come, then you'll see fear in his eyes. It's like the waiter's a ghost.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Manny: Today feels like a good day for halibut. Hey, Jay, did I ever tell you about the time I used peanut butter and jelly for bait?
Jay: I don't know. You tell me a lot of funny things.
 • Rating: Unrated

Gloria: What about the pigeons?
Jay: I don't like them. They're shifty.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jay: I only understand about 20% of what goes on around here.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jay: I could have guessed he'd have trouble with roller coasters. That kid gets woozy at barbershops when they spin his chair towards the mirror.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jay: I have to get old... you don't have to get fat.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Are we missing your favorite quote from "?" Submit it here and get points for adding quotes!