Popular Jerry Seinfeld Quotes
Two bedrooms? Why do I need two bedrooms? I got enough trouble maintaining activity in one.
The hot water takes a little while to come on. So, the best thing to do is to turn it on, do all your shopping, you come back and take a shower.
Elaine: Excuse me, master packer!
Jerry: Yes.
Elaine: Just gimme your keys.
Elaine: (claps hands) That is the single greatest packing performance I have ever seen.
Jerry: I am the master packer.
Kramer: I said, "I know about the stuff," you know, so he'd take me into his confidence.
Elaine: What did he say?
Kramer: "What stuff?"
Jerry: Oh, case closed.
(giving house sitting instructions) One last thing, Benes. Regarding sexual activitystrictly prohibited, but, if you absolutely must, do us all a favor and do it in the tub.
Kramer: I'm human...
Jerry: In your way.
Response when he realizes his answering machine was taken:
Jerry: I hate the thought of someone out there returning my calls.
Kramer: How can you not have insurance?
Jerry: Because I spent my money on the Clapco 8000. It's the most powerful lock they make. It has only one design flaw...the door...MUST BE CLOSED!!
Jerry: And I cannot overstate this: no soft cheeses of any kind. Is that clear?
I do not like the bank. I've heard the expression "Laughing all the way to the bank." I have never seen anyone actually doing it. And those bank lines. I hate it when there's nobody on the line at all, you know that part, you go to the bank, it's empty and you still have to go through the little maze. "Can you get a little piece of cheese for me? I'm almost at the front. I'd like a reward for this please."
Let's face it, a date is a job interview that lasts all night. The difference between a date and job interview is not many interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end.