Elaine: C'mon lets go, c'mon
Jerry: Was I supposed to bring something?
Elaine: You could have.
Jerry: I met her one time
Elaine: It is not necessary.

Elaine: Hi Pamela, you remember Jerry.
Pamela: Yes, we met.
Jerry: Hi, happy birthday.
Pamela: Ahh, everybody, this is Elaine and Jerry.
Guests: Hi!
Jerry: I didn't bring anything.

Vanessa: How big a tip do you think it'd take to get him to stop?
Jerry: I'm in for five.
Vanessa: I'll supply the hat.
Jerry: (to himself) Uh-oh. What do we have here?

Vanessa: Why don't you relax and take your jacket off?
Jerry: Oh, I can't. I have a tendency to get chilly.
Vanessa: How masculine.
Jerry: Plus I'm wearing short sleeves. I don't want to expose my tattoos.

Sagman, Bennet, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taft.

(to himself) What's going on here? Gotta be her boyfriend, she's too good to be alone. What's the difference, I can't maneuver anyway with Elaine next to me.

Imagine, spelling "Mom" with two O's.

Jerry: "Quone"?
Helen: 3031
Jerry: "Quone"? No, I'm afraid that I'm going to have to challenge that.
(Jerry picks up the dictionary.)
Helen: 32
Kramer: No, you don't have to challenge that. That's a word. That's a definite word.
Jerry: I am challenging.
Kramer: Quone. To quone something.
Jerry: Uh-huh.
(Jerry looks up the word.)
Helen: I'm not playing with you anymore.
Morty: Quone's not a word.
Jerry: No good. Sorry. There it is. Get it off.
Helen: (to Kramer) Why did you make me put that down?
Kramer: Nah, we need a medical dictionary! If a patient gets difficult, you quone him.

George: Listen, your stuff has to be done by know, why don't you just see if it's dried?
Jerry: No, no, no, don't interrupt the cycle. The machine is working, it, it knows what it's doing, just let it finish.
George: You're gonna over dry it.
Jerry: You, you can't over dry.
George: Why not?
Jerry: Same as you can't over wet. You see, once something is wet, it's wet. Same thing with dead: like once you die you're dead, right? Let's say you drop dead and I shoot you: you're not gonna die again, you're already dead. You can't over die, you can't over dry.

George: Ho ho ho, "Had to"? "Had to come in"?
Jerry: Yeah, but
George: "Had to come in" and "maybe we'll get together"? "Had to" and "Maybe"?
Jerry: Yeah!
George: Nonono, I hate to tell you this: you're not gonna see this woman.

Women know what men want,men know what men want. What do we want? We want women!

Kramer (Kessler): You got any meat?
Jerry: Meat? I don't, I don't know, go hunt!

Seinfeld Quotes

George: I like sports. I could do something in sports.
Jerry: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. In what capacity?
George: You know, like the general manager of a baseball team or something.
Jerry: Yeah. Well, that - that could be tough to get.
George: Well, it doesn't even have to be the general manager. Maybe I could be like, an announcer. Like a colour man. You know how I always make those interesting comments during the game.
Jerry: Yeah. Yeah. You make good comments.
George: What about that?
Jerry: Well, they tend to give those jobs to ex-ballplayers and people that are, you know, in broadcasting.
George: Well, that's really not fair.
Jerry: I know. Well, okay. Okay. What else do you like?
George: Movies. I like to watch movies.
Jerry: Yeah. Yeah.
George: Do they pay people to watch movies?
Jerry: Projectionists.
George: That's true.
Jerry: But you gotta know how to work the projector.
George: Right.
Jerry: And it's probably a union thing.
George: (scoffs) Those unions. (sighs) Okay. Sports, movies what about a talk show host?
Jerry: Talk show host. That's good.
George: I think I'd be good at that. I talk to people all the time. Someone even told me once they thought I'd be a good talk show host.
Jerry: Really?
George: Yeah. A couple of people. I don't get that, though. Where do you start?
Jerry: Well, that's where it gets tricky.
George: You can't just walk into a building and say "I wanna be a talk show host".
Jerry: I wouldn't think so.
George: It's all politics.
Jerry: All right, okay. Sports, movies, talk show host. What else?
George: This could have been a huge mistake.
Jerry: Well, it doesn't sound like you completely thought this through.

Punk Dude: Hey Kramer, have you ever killed a man?!
Kramer: What do you think Junior? You think these hands - they've been soaking in Ivory Liquid?