New Girl
Tuesdays 8:30 PM on FOXFavorite Jess Day Quotes
Nick: You never listen to pipe talk.
Jess: Pipe talk is boring.
Do you remember when you got yourself off to An Inconvenient Truth? Or dressed up as Shia LaBeouf from Wall Street 2? Or said that jazz music was America's greatest mistake?
No! PMS is mine! Stop stealing my stuff, Winston.
I panicked and I grabbed the hat. I should have grabbed the yoyo or the slap bracelet and now all I have is this stupid hat.
Jess: I thought we talked about you not wearing your shower diaper in the kitchen!
Schmidt: Excuse me? Do you think this has been easy? To wash myself wearing a penis cast all summer?
Jess: I don't want to kiss and tell, but I ruined my dresser during intercourse. Will you go to Ikea with me?
Nick: Yeah, sure. I'm not doing anything today.
Just remember, you caught him pleasuring himself to a mail-order steak catalog.
Sorry. I've never heard you talk about your ex wife, and I got really nervous, and I tried to flirt information out of you.
Guess what you guys? My shoes are filled with blood!
Nick: It's Schmidt we're talking about here. After we saw the movie "Titanic," he started the Billy Zane Fan Club.
Jess: What?!
Nick: Look it up. They're called Zane-iacs.
What is the big deal? Let's just suck it up and French a little.
Paul: Now I know what Bill Clinton feels like!
Jess: Now I know what Monica Lewinsky feels like!
Paul: I'm sorry I made you feel like Monica Lewinsky!
