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New-girl

Jess: This is where Nick Miller grew up.
Nick: Except for the fall of '88 and the spring of '89--that was our "van year."

When did you become a Bond villain who can't afford to not live with roommates?

Just remember, you caught him pleasuring himself to a mail-order steak catalog.

What happened to guys in this bar? Did they open a bus station next door?

I wish I knew what was going on in Nick's head. He's like a...grumpy mystery.

Ten years? You guys are like Bert and Ernie.

If somebody walked in here and saw us, they'd be like, "Look at these two totally normal roommates. I bet they never sucked face." But we did. You sucked my face.

Jess: Do you want to know what I'm wearing under this shirt?
Nick: Yeah, sure.
Jess: An invisible shirt.

Jess: Where are your nipples, man?
Schmidt: I'll never tell!

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