Jess: Do you want to know what I'm wearing under this shirt?
Nick: Yeah, sure.
Jess: An invisible shirt.

Jess: Where are your nipples, man?
Schmidt: I'll never tell!

Jess: Nick kissed me?
Cece: WHAAAAAAAAAA?

I just wanted to listen to Taylor Swift alone!

It was firm but tender. I saw through space and time for a moment, but that's not the point.

I saw him this morning and he just panic moonwalked away from me.

What is the big deal? Let's just suck it up and French a little.

Nick: You never listen to pipe talk.
Jess: Pipe talk is boring.

Nick, I need you.

What are you, the doodle police?

There's more to A Father's Love than just semen! Ew!

I should have brought my stethoscope. I'm seeing a lot of split ends. The cut is all wrong for the shape of its face.

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

A lot of people never graduated high school! Einstein! Bill Gates! Anne Frank! I'm gonna take back that last one.

Schmidt