Ten years? You guys are like Bert and Ernie.

If somebody walked in here and saw us, they'd be like, "Look at these two totally normal roommates. I bet they never sucked face." But we did. You sucked my face.

Jess: Do you want to know what I'm wearing under this shirt?
Nick: Yeah, sure.
Jess: An invisible shirt.

Jess: Where are your nipples, man?
Schmidt: I'll never tell!

Jess: Nick kissed me?
Cece: WHAAAAAAAAAA?

I just wanted to listen to Taylor Swift alone!

It was firm but tender. I saw through space and time for a moment, but that's not the point.

I saw him this morning and he just panic moonwalked away from me.

What is the big deal? Let's just suck it up and French a little.

Nick: You never listen to pipe talk.
Jess: Pipe talk is boring.

Nick, I need you.

What are you, the doodle police?

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

Nick isn't even a man. He's some kind of man-boy, man-child hybrid. The other day, I had to tell him not to pull a dog's tail.

Jess