Jesus Quotes
Season 16, Episode 13: "A Scause for Applause"
Jesus: Vengeance is mine!
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Season 14, Episode 6: "201"
Jesus: I guess maybe Tom Cruise likes Sea Man.
• Rating: Unrated
Jesus: Let's hope to Christ this works.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Jesus: On the super best friend power cycles! (Segways)
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Season 14, Episode 5: "200"
Joseph Smith: Boys you need to understand that people get very offended when Muhammad is mocked because he's a religious figure.
Jesus: Buddha! Don't do coke in front of kids!
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Season 5, Episode 3: "Super Best Friends"
[Blaine turns himself into cards and transforms back]
Jesus: Jesus Christ!
• Rating: Unrated
Jesus: We need to know how to kill a giant stone Abraham Lincoln.
Moses: Um, let me think, um... A giant stone John Wilkes Booth?
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
(Stan asking Jesus for help with defeating Blaine)
Jesus: The miracle I'm most famous for is turning water into wine.
Stan: Can you do it again?
Jesus: Very well. I shall perform the miracle. Behold, here you can see ordinary water, clear, clean. Okay now turn around.
(Stan surprised)
Turn around.
(Stan turns around and Jesus replaces the jug of water on the table with a jug of wine)
It is now wine!
Stan: That's it? That's how you did that trick?
Jesus: Uh, well, yeah.
Stan: That trick sucks Jesus.
Jesus: Oh, I guess it worked a little better on people 2,000 years ago.
• Rating: Unrated
Jesus: Yea, take hold of my robe, Stanley, and do not open your eyes.
Stan: (closes his eyes) I am ready.
(scene changes to Jesus and Stan on an airplane, Stan is still holding on to Jesus and closing his eyes)
Jesus: Are you still keeping your eyes closed?
Stan: Yeah.
Jesus: Good. Want some peanuts?
• Rating: Unrated
Blaine: Damn you, Super Best Friends!
Jesus: Your magic is no match for our powers combined, Blaine!
Blaine: (gets in a rocket) Then I guess you win this time, Super Best Fools! But I'll be back! (launches the rocket and flies in the sky)
Jesus: Damnit!
Buddha: It's alright. Everything is as it should be.
Jesus: Oh, shut up, Buddha!
• Rating: Unrated
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Total Quotes: 23