South Park

Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy Central
South park
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Randy: That word's kind of getting old. It's not really funny anymore.
Man: Yeah, they're gonna have to come up with a new swear word now.
Mr. Garrison: Well, they can't use "fag." Because you can't say "fag" unless you're a homosexual.
Randy: Really? So we can't say (bleep)?
Mr. Garrison: No. See, you got beeped.
Man: You mean you have to be a (bleep) to say (bleep)?
Mr. Garrison: That's right.
Jimbo: Hell, that's not fair! I should be able to say "fag."
Randy: Hey, you didn't get beeped.
Jimbo: Uh, oh.
Mr. Garrison: Well well well! Guess we learned something new about you, Jimbo, you freakin' fag! You wanna make out or something?

How many rich people does it take to screw in a light bulb? None! They can hire someone to screw it in for them!

Mr. Garrison: Now we can sell all their homes and become millionares.
Guys: WHAT?!?!?!?!
Jimbo: But then you had us all do all that for nothing, don't you see if you get rich selling these homes then there'd still be rich people in South Park.
Randy Marsh: Yeah, you'll become what you hate.
Mr. Garrison:........Yeah but at least I got rid of all those damn ni[South Park ending theme]

Eric! Are you training that pony to please you?!

Well, son, I think you've got a pretty stupid plan there.

Jimbo: What's a 'Radiohead?'
Cartman: You know, that band that sings that song (sings) 'Well, I'm a creep. I'm a weirdo...'

Jimbo: Wow, those are greatNed, are you jackin' it?!
Ned: Kinda.
(Mr. Tenorman comes outside)
Mr. Tenorman: Who's out there?
Jimbo: (whispering) Dammit Ned, stop jackin' it.
Ned: I can't.

Jimbo: Chef, what about the baseball team, the Cleveland Indians, huh? Should they change their name because it's racist?
Chef: Yeah!
Jimbo: No!

People are gonna' start saying that the Denver Broncos are offensive to horses and then we'll have to SQUIRREL! (shoots down squirrel) Then we'll have to change everything.

This is about history kids. If you don't have respect for your past then you can never expect...BIRD! (shoots down bird) Then you can never expect to have a future.

Mayor McDaniels: (to Jimbo and Chef) Gentlemen, I understand you are here to present both sides of an issue. I want to hear you both out and do this in a civil and constructive manner, so I can give you both the time and attention you deserve. Jimbo why don't you begin.
Jimbo: Mayor, it's about the South Park flag
Mayor McDaniels: Oh Jesus Christ, not this again.

Jimbo: (Spying on the Klan) Alright. Let's sneak in quietly.
Ned: Okay.
Jimbo: Dammit Ned, doesn't that thing have a volume control?
Ned: No.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 49 in total

South Park Quotes

James Cameron doesn't do what James Cameron does for James Cameron. James Cameron does what James Cameron does because James Cameron is James Cameron!

James Cameron

It's a man's obligation to stick his boneration in a woman's separation, this sort of penetration will increase the population of the younger generation.

</i> Cartman