Joe: Hey, Quagmire! You wanna come camping with us?
Quagmire: Sorry, boys. The only tent I'm gonna be pitchin' this weekend is... well, you can see where I'm goin' with this. Oh

• Permalink: Hey, Quagmire! You wanna come camping with us? Sorry, boys. Th...
• Added: September 29, 2009

Peter: Good morning, Joe.
Joe: Uh, Peter, what are you doing in my pool?
Peter: This is the newest province of Petoria. I call it "Johio."
Joe: What? You can't just come over here and annex my pool.
Peter: Yeah? Well, according to paragraph seven, sentence three, word eight of the Geneva Convention, "The." So tough luck, Swanson

• Permalink: Good morning, Joe. Uh, Peter, what are you doing in my pool? ...
• Added: September 29, 2009

Peter: First, I will return Joe's pool.
Joe: Oh, you got that right.
Peter: In exchange, I demand access to it on alternate weekends.
Joe: No.
Peter: Accepted. I also demand to remain my own independent nation.
Adam West: Absolutely not.
Peter: How about you just give me your pen?
Adam West: You mean this cheap little pen we have millions of back at the office?
Peter: Yeah.
Adam West: No

• Permalink: First, I will return Joe's pool. Oh, you got that right. In ...
• Added: September 29, 2009

Joe: Hey neighbors, where's your boat?
Lois: We didn't take the boat, we took the mystery box. Hop in!

• Permalink: Hey neighbors, where's your boat? We didn't take the boat, we ...
• Added: September 29, 2009

I just suggested a line of handicapable toys - ya know, to show the kids the fun of being physically challenged

• Permalink: I just suggested a line of handicapable toys - ya know, to show ...
• Added: August 25, 2009

Joe: Say, do you have a screwdriver I can borrow?
Peter: Man, you neighbors are like viruses, starts with a screwdriver, then before you know it you're using my supermarket, dry cleaner, even my postman

• Permalink: Say, do you have a screwdriver I can borrow? Man, you neighbor...
• Added: August 25, 2009