Oh my God! I want to snort this!

Dead mom high five!

Jules: Hey - why'd you do that?
Grayson: Why not?

Jules: Who pretend throws things to show their anger?!
Grayson: Lots of people.

Your dad convinced some tourist that he's a hunting guide, so not only can he not watch you, but he might end up dead.

Jules: When did you get so good at lying?
Ellie: There's no shortcut. Just practice, practice, practice.

Jeff: Jules and Grayson. Is this gonna be fun or weird?
Jules: Did you ever cheat on me?
Jeff: So fun then.

I hate dressing up. Not for nothing, but I'm not doing it yall.

Jules: This sucks I need Grayson to care about what's going on in our lives. All I ever wanted was to grow old with someone and argue with them while we drink wine.
Ellie: That sounds like us. What do you say we pack it all in and become big ol' dykes?
Jules: No, not yet, but I'd like to know that choice is out there. Stay skinny just in case.
Ellie: Deal.

He looks like that nerdy lesbian from Scooby-Boo.

Mother of God I gotta drink!

I own the shush clap.

Cougar Town Quotes

Laurie: Jules told me never to ask, but why do you call me Jellybean?
Ellie: Well JB, when Jules first hired you I thought you were so simple minded she could convince you that Jellybeans were more valuable than gold and subsequently pay you in Jellybeans. This concept was eventually shorted into your nickname, Jellybean.

Pale and tan swirl.