Laurie: Did you just one night standed by your own son?
Jules: He said we were going to brunch.
Laurie: Oh no.

Jules [with her shirt up]: Hey Trav!
Travis: Shirt down, then hey Trav
Jules [pulls down shirt]: Hey Trav!
Travis: Too, late scarred for life
Jules: These used to feed you!

Oh that's right. You have a kid!

I'm gonna make that pale ass, icy bitch love me whether she likes it or not.

Jules: You suck at musical beers.
Grayson: This is my bar damn it.

Ah! Big Carl! You can almost fix everything.

Ellie: You know how I take a nap every day from 10 to 11:45?
Jules: Your life is better than mine

See you soon. Stupid Circle of Anger.

Jules: It's not like I was super cool.
Travis: Is that you dancing on stage with Bruce Springsteen?
Jules: Yeah that was super cool.

Jules: Hey resort Trent, you're even cuter out of your uniform.
Trent: I'm gay.
Jules: Just go with it, Trent. Come on, I'm trying to scrape together a fantasy here. If I can be Resort Jules, you can be Straight Trent.
Trent: I was Straight Trent for sixteen years.
Jules: Great! What's another hour?

I have so many chin whiskers I look like carnie folk

Why do these stars have names on them?

Cougar Town Quotes

Laurie: Jules told me never to ask, but why do you call me Jellybean?
Ellie: Well JB, when Jules first hired you I thought you were so simple minded she could convince you that Jellybeans were more valuable than gold and subsequently pay you in Jellybeans. This concept was eventually shorted into your nickname, Jellybean.

Grayson: You can't stand to be along for a second can you?
Jules: That is ridiculous
Grayson: So why did you go out with father time?
Jules: Because I am a history buff and I haven't been in a car with only a lap belt in a long time