Favorite Kelly Kapoor Quotes
Dwight: Where'd you get that mallard?
Kelly: What the hell is a mallard?
Dwight: THAT!
Kelly: Oh! Professor Damon D. Duck! Jim gave him to me.
Dwight: I gave that to him as a gift. I'm taking that back.
Kelly: If you take it back I'll scream.
Dwight: I'll give you five bucks for it.
Ryan: Twenty.
Dwight Schrute: Ten.
Ryan: Deal.
Kelly: You're so cool.
Ryan: This reminds me, you owe me three bucks for gas.
Kelly: Get out of my nook, Dwight.
Pam: [heard on Jim's Bluetooth] THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID! THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID! THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!
[telling Jim what to say to Ryan] Just tell him that I'm up for anything, I'm mean I'm not a slut but who knows ....
Could you for once just let us enjoy a party instead of making it about all your issues?
I love rivalries. Michael or Jim. Paris or Nicole. Heidi or LC. It's so much fun. But, I guess if I'm really thinking about it and answering your question honestly, I'd have to go with LC. Heidi's a bad friend. And her skin, is terrible.
I never really thought about death until Princess Diana died. That was the saddest funeral ever. That and my sister's.
Kelly
Andy: So Jan, tell my intended about the miracle of childbirth.
Jan: Well, actually, I, uh, I had a tub birth. And it was really, really quite amazing.
Angela: You gave birth in a tub?
Jan: Yeah, it's a really nice transition from womb to world, you know, kind of like a big womb.
Kelly: Um, so you're in the tub with everything?
Jan: Oh, yeah, the afterbirth floats, yeah.
Creed: Must be like the tide at Omaha Beach.
Jan: Oh no, it's actually really hygienic, Creed.
Creed: Ugh.
Stanley: I'm done.
I cannot wait to visit Ryan in prison. I'm gonna wear my hottest track suit, and get my hair done, and then be like, "Hi Ryan." And then all the other prisoners are gonna be like, "Damn! Ryan, you got a hot ex-girlfriend. Ooh, I would never have treated her so bad when I was outside of prison."
Kelly: Well I manage my department, and I've been doing that for several years now, and God I've learned a lot of life lessons along the way.
Jim: Your department's just you right?
Kelly: Yes Jim, but I am not easy to manage.
Kelly: I have made a list of people that I would make out with before I would make out with Michael Scott. A turtle, a fridge, anybody from the warehouse, a woodchipper, Kevin, a candle, and Lord Voldemort. Anyway, Happy Birthday Michael.
Michael: You're so lucky! Good one.
My birthday was yesterday, and everybody forgot. I got really dressed up and excited, and no one said a word. There wasn't even a party. I think sometimes people are really mean to the hot, popular girl.
Kelly: Dwight's a freak!
Angela: YOU'RE A FREAK!
