Favorite Kelly Kapoor Quotes
Ryan: For all their generosity of spirit, they password protect their wireless?
Kelly: Try Jesus.
Kelly: Jim!!! Oh my god, I have so much to tell you. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes had a baby, and they named it Suri! And Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie also had a baby, and they named is Shiloh! And both babies are amaziiiing!
Jim: Wow, so, uh, what's new with you?
Kelly: I just told you.
Ryan: This isn't the U.S. government.
Kelly: What are you referencing?
Ryan: Everything... everything.
Kelly: Okay, well the next time that you get scared, that you think a murderer's in your apartment in the middle of the night...
Ryan: Okay.
Kelly: ...and you call me, to calm you down...
Ryan: You know what? I didn't-
Toby: Can you stop...
Kelly: ...you can just call somebody else 'cause I'm not gonna do it anymore, Ryan. I'm not.
Toby: There's a bunch of people back here, maybe...
Ryan: Well, don't talk to me about calling people in the middle of the night...
Toby: Guys...
Kelly: I call you in the middle of the night to tell you that I love you!
Kelly: I have made a list of people that I would make out with before I would make out with Michael Scott. A turtle, a fridge, anybody from the warehouse, a woodchipper, Kevin, a candle, and Lord Voldemort. Anyway, Happy Birthday Michael.
Michael: You're so lucky! Good one.
Meredith: Stop fighting! Just on St. Patrick's Day okay? Just one, perfect day a year. No hassles. No problems. No kids.
Ryan: Why no kids?
Kelly: Yeah where are your kids?
Meredith: Nope. Uh uh. Not today!
I probably tweeted it. I tweet, I text, I phone, I Skype ...
Ryan: So, how are you?
Kelly: Awesome. I am dating a lot of guys.
Ryan: Good.
Kelly: A lot. Black guys mostly.
Ryan: Kelly...
Kelly: What?!
Kelly: Can you stop micro-managing? I know how to do this.
Dwight: What are you guys doing?
Kelly: This girl was really rude to me at the mall, so I created a fake IM account from a hot guy at her high school, and now I'm trying to make her anorexic.
Ryan: Tell her everyone in homeroom thinks she's fat.
Kelly: That is so good.
My birthday was yesterday, and everybody forgot. I got really dressed up and excited, and no one said a word. There wasn't even a party. I think sometimes people are really mean to the hot, popular girl.
Pam: Hey Kelly.
Kelly: SO jealous of your boobs.
Pam: Thank you.
I can't get anything lately unless I threaten to kill myself.
