Kelly Kapoor Quotes
Meredith: She could be your soul mate.
Dwight: Oh, not likely. Three billion women on the planet, most of them live in Asia, so the numbers just don't add up.
Oscar: It's possible.
Kelly: She could be.
Michael: Believe me its nothing. I hardly even talked to her we just, we were lying there next to each other, I think our blood bags touched.
Kelly: Aww.
Michael: Well here we all are. Alone but together. No flowers for us. Relationships, we don't need no stinking relationships. I think we should all go around and tell our worst relationship story, and then get past it, just blow through it, yeah? Kelly, what about Ryan? He treated you pretty terribly, yeah?
Kelly: Well, his heart was in the right place.
Michael: Yeah, but now his heart is in Thailand along with the rest of his body having random sex. Okay, sorry, let's, who else? Oscar.
Oscar: I don't think so.
Michael: Come on, I'm sure there's something you need to get off your chest.
Oscar: I can't.
Michael: If you wanna just, anything? Are you sure? I'm sure whatever you did it wasn't your fault. OK well, who else?
So, I received my first Valentine from a secret admirer. [Kelly opens the envelope] Roses are red, violets are blue, it's time for your dental cleaning, and maybe a check-up too.
Kelly: I mean, I don't even know what the theme is. What's the theme?!
Jim: Birthday.
Dwight: Frosting.
Kelly: Well, there's no flowers... or toys... or ... I mean, there's nothing on it. Where did you even find a cake like this? I mean, it doesn't have my name on it! Do you guys know what my name is? My name is Kelly!
Jim: Right. [to camera] I forgot if there was an "e" between the "l" and the "y." I still don't know.
Kelly: My boyfriend dumped me, so, I stole his boat. I mean, he told me it was his boat. It was actually his father's. And I just thought it'd be really romantic, like 'Thelma and Louise,' but with, like, a boat. And it was the worst year of my life. And I can't believe that you guys are making me talk about this on my birthday!
Dwight: I thought you said yesterday was your birthday!
Jim: Hey, you know what? I got you a cake.
Dwight: What did you do?
Kelly: Stop yelling at me!
Dwight: What did you do?
Kelly: I didn't do anything!
Dwight: What did you learn in there? I bet you learned things, huh? Like how to fashion a shiv, hmm?
Jim: Hey! What the hell's goin' on?
Dwight: Why don't you tell Jim where you were from ages 14 to 15.
Kelly: I was kickin' it.
Dwight: In juvie.
Jim: What?
Dwight: Juvie... nile... Detention Center. Where they send teenagers!
I have here Kelly Kapoor's personal and confidental file. Allow me to share. "Kelly Kapoor spent April 1995 to December 1996 at Berks County Youth Center." Juvie. "According to past employers, it in no way affects her job perfor..." Blah, Blah, Blah.
Dwight
Jim: We just wanted to say we are very sorry.
Kelly: Screw you guys. You're dead to me.
Dwight: If you say screw you one more time...
Kelly: Yeah, screw you, beefer, I don't forget your birthday, I would never do that.
Dwight: Hey, HEY.
My birthday was yesterday, and everybody forgot. I got really dressed up and excited, and no one said a word. There wasn't even a party. I think sometimes people are really mean to the hot, popular girl.
Jim: Hey, Kelly.
Kelly: Screw you.
Dwight: Excuse me, that is no way to address a superior.
Kelly: Oh yeah? Screw you too.
Jim: Whoa! What was that all about.
Phyllis: You forgot her birthday, it was yesterday.
Kelly: I have made a list of people that I would make out with before I would make out with Michael Scott. A turtle, a fridge, anybody from the warehouse, a woodchipper, Kevin, a candle, and Lord Voldemort. Anyway, Happy Birthday Michael.
Michael: You're so lucky! Good one.
