Kelly Kapoor Quotes
Kelly: Look, I know the reason that you guys became accountants is because you're not good at interacting with people. But guess what? From now on, you guys are no longer losers! So give yourselves a round of applause.
Oscar: I wonder how many phone calls you're missing while you're teaching us to answer calls.
Kelly: I know, right? Probably a lot.
This day is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S. This day is bananas! B-A-N-A-
Michael: We have a lot of angry customers out there. This puts us at threat level midnight. Accounting, you are on customer service duty today.
Oscar: That's really not our job.
Michael: Midnight, Oscar! Don't worry, Kelly will be training you first.
Angela: Kelly's training us?
Kelly: So then the next movie moves to the top of the queue. So number five becomes number four, number six becomes number five, number three becomes number two, etc, etc. And let's just say that I just sent back Love Actually, which was awesome. And they sent me Uptown Girls, which is also awesome. But guess what, now I want to see love actually again, but it's at the bottom of the que! Oh no, what do I do!? What I do, is this. I go online, I go click, click, click. And I change the order of the que, so that I can see Love Actually as soon as I want to. It's so easy, Ryan. Do you really not know how Netflix works?
Ryan: I guess I forgot.
Kelly: You're such a ditz.
Kevin: Ryan, well done. Two minutes, forty-two seconds. Additionally, Pam, you win ten because she said "awesome" 12 times, and Jim, you win five because she mentioned six romantic comedies.
Kelly: Okay, well the next time that you get scared, that you think a murderer's in your apartment in the middle of the night...
Ryan: Okay.
Kelly: ...and you call me, to calm you down...
Ryan: You know what? I didn't-
Toby: Can you stop...
Kelly: ...you can just call somebody else 'cause I'm not gonna do it anymore, Ryan. I'm not.
Toby: There's a bunch of people back here, maybe...
Ryan: Well, don't talk to me about calling people in the middle of the night...
Toby: Guys...
Kelly: I call you in the middle of the night to tell you that I love you!
Kelly: That is the bravest thing I have ever heard.
Ryan: I can't imagine what I would have done.
Kelly: I can. You would have left me to fend for myself. Like that time we were on the Ferris Wheel and that kid dropped a milk shake on me and you just laughed.
Ryan: Well that was funny, that's why.
Kelly: Oh it was?
Ryan: Mm-hmm.
Kelly: Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God...
Ryan: It's only temporary, okay? Don't get excited.
Kelly: I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't.
Kelly: What are you doing? You'd better not hurt that little bat.
Creed: Animals can't feel pain.
Kelly: Don't hurt that bat, Creed! It's a living thing with feelings and a family!
Dwight: Flush him towards the door. On my go... NOW!
Kelly: KILL IT! KILL IT! KILL IIIT!
Kevin: [locks bat in break room] I... am a hero!
Kelly: I can't believe you're back together with Roy!
Pam: Oh, yeah! We have such a solid foundation, you know.
Kelly: Oh my God. You're so in love now.
Pam: Yeah. Oh, you should come to my art show, by the way.
Kelly: Oh, art show!
Pam: I mean, it's not a big deal, but I think a lot of people from the office will be there.
Kelly: ...Oh... yeah. Definitely... I'll be there. For sure.
Kelly: Could you scoot over? You're on my dress.
Meredith: I thought you're not supposed to wear white to a wedding.
Kelly: I know but there was an emergency.
Kelly: Are you all right? This must be so awful for you.
Pam: What do you mean?
Kelly: Well, this was supposed to be your wedding.
Pam: Oh, um, no, that's, um, it's actually fine.
Kelly: There's no way it's fine, I'm sorry. If I was you, I would just like freak out, and get really drunk, and then tell someone I was pregnant.
Pam: Okay, that's a lot of good ideas. Thanks.
Kelly: Jim!!! Oh my god, I have so much to tell you. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes had a baby, and they named it Suri! And Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie also had a baby, and they named is Shiloh! And both babies are amaziiiing!
Jim: Wow, so, uh, what's new with you?
Kelly: I just told you.
