Popular Kenneth Parcell Quotes
Adult? You mean like you're driving a car and wearing a suit?
Are you pickling squirrel meat? Cause I can lend you my skullpresser.
Kenneth: But why would you want to cut your hair? You look exactly as I imagine Mary Magadalene to be.
Jenna: Thank you, but I am a selfless person who can't get arrested in this town!
Pete: I already explained that: that was a police sketch of a flasher who happened to look like Tracy... we hope.
[to Liz, about Drew] Don't get too attached, because once people realize his tonics don't work, it's on to the next town.
It's not enough that you killed the bird I've had for almost 60 years, but the fact that you didn't trust me is unforgivable!
I feel like I'm in The Pelican Brief. Do I already know too much?
Yes, the rest of us talked about it last night at Finnegan's, the bar we go to after work. In my dreams.
Ms. Lemon, you're not supposed to be here; you're on s-e-x probation.
[on his harmonica] Oh, you mean my mouth radio.
If I have a strawberry, my throat closes up faster than a girl in math class.
[on his pig] She went crazy. She bit off my nutsack, that I kept tied around my belt to feed the squirrels.
Liz: Kenneth, why did you bet that terrible hand?
Kenneth: Why? Because I believe life is for the living. I believe in taking risks and biting off more than you can chew. And also, people were yelling and I got confused about the rules.
