The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXFavorite Kent Brockman Quotes
A new mood is in the air in Springfield as refreshing as a pre-moistened towelette. Folks are finally accepting their feelings and really communicating with no holding back and this reporter thinks it's about (beep)ing time.
Kent Brockman: Springfield has come down with a fever . . . Football fever. If you have the fever, there's only one cure. Take two tickets and see the game Sunday morning.
TV Voiceover: Warning, tickets should not be taken internally.
Homer: See, because of me, now they have a warning.
Oh we have lots of names for these people. Bums, deadbeats, losers, scums of the earth, we'd like to sweep these people into the gutter, or if already in the gutter, to some other out of the way place. Oh we have our reasons. They're depressing, their ragged clothes, they're crazy, they smell bad. So every year on one conscience salving day, we toss these people a bone. A turkey bone. And that's supposed to make it all better.
Lisa: One thing I've always wondered How can Fox News be so conservative when the Fox Network keeps airing raunchy shows? They don't fit together.
(Lisa then proceeds to flips channels between Fox News and Fox Network until Kent Brockman takes the remote control away from her.)
Kent: Fox deliberately runs shows that will earn them huge fines which are then funneled through the F.C.C. straight to the Republican Party. Everybody in the media knows it, but no one has the guts to say it.
Kent Brockman: What have you been up to, Lurleen?
Lurleen Lumpkin: I spent last night in a ditch.
Kent Brockman: Tonight on Smartline, the power plant strike, Arglebargle or Fufferella. With us tonight our plant owner C.M. Burns, Union Kingpin Homer Simpson, and talk show mainstay Dr. Joyce Brothers.
Dr. Joyce: I brought my own mic!
Joblessness is not just for philosophy majors anymore. Useful people are starting to feel the pinch.
Kent Brockman: But there's already one big winner...Our state school system, which gets fully half the profits from the library.
Skinner: Just think what we can buy with that money...History books that know how the Korean War came out. Math books that don't have that base six crap in them! And a state-of-the-art detention hall, where children are held in place by magnets.
Well, it looks like we have our first caller. And I mean ever, because this is not a call-in show.
Kent Brockman
Kent Brockman: Tonight on "Eye on Springfield," we meet a man who's been hiccupping for 45 years!
Man: *hic* Kill me! *hic* Kill me!
Kent Brockman: When cat burglaries start, can mass murders be far behind? This reporter isn't saying that the burglar is an inhuman monster like the Wolfman, but he very well could be. So, professor: would you say it's time for everyone to panic?
Professor: Yes I would, Kent.
We've also been told to apologize for using the term "geezers." Coming up next, the case of the cantankerous old geezer!
