The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXFavorite Kent Brockman Quotes
Kent: We'll watch Springfield's oldest man meet Springfield's fattest man.
Homer: He's not so fat.
Good evening. Did you know that 34 million American adults are obese? Putting together that excess blubber would fill the Grand Canyon two fifths of the way up. That may not sound impressive, but keep in mind it is a very big canyon.
Good evening, again, Springfield. Krusty the Clown, the beloved idol of countless tots, now nothing more than a common, alleged criminal. His trial, which begins tomorrow, has taken center ring in a national media circus as children of all ages from 8 to 80 hang on each new development like so many Romanian trapeze artists.
Lisa Simpson is no longer Little Miss Springfield. She was stripped of her crown in a ceremony earlier today (footage of a goat being bottle fed plays) Well, that's obviously the wrong footage. Uh, but it does seem the father of the deposed beauty queen Homer Simpson filled out the pageant application incorrectly. In the area under 'do not write under this space' he wrote 'okay'.
Let's take a look back at the year 1928. A year when you might have seen Al Capone dancing the Charleston on top of a flagpole. It was also the year of the very virst Scratchy cartoon entitled "That Happy Cat." The film did very poorly, but the following year, Scratchy was teamed up with a psychotic young mouse named Itchy and cartoon history was made.
Kent Brockman: Yeah, I know I'm on...but I don't care! I don't read the news until I get my danish. Go ahead, try to find a replacement.
Bumblebee Guy: A powerful tidal wave in Kuala Lumpur has killed 120 people. Aye Chihuahua!
Kent: Hardest hit by the blizzard is Springfield's forbidding Widow's Peak. Our own Arnie Pie is on the scene.
(Arnie is doing a live remote by helicopter)
Arnie: Everything's snowed in! All I can see is white!
Kent: Arnie, please! The ski conditions.
Arnie: (Camera is upsidedown) Mayday! Mayday! I think I'm flying into a mountain! Tell my wife I lo- (Static)
Kent: That's great, Arnie!
Eenie meenie miney mo. Is Homer a hero? The answer is no.
Kent Brockman: It's blob rule on the streets of Springfield! And to make matters worse, we're being attacked by a fifty-foot Lenny!
Fifty-Foot Lenny: Everyone's paying attention to Homer.
Carl: I still like you.
Fifty-Foot Lenny: Thanks, Invisible Carl!
Kent Brockman: Another local peasant has been found dead, drained of his blood with two teeth marks on his throat. This black cape was found on the scene. (It is labeled "Dracula.") Police are baffled.
Chief Wiggum: We think we're dealing with a supernatural being, most likely a mummy. As a precaution, I've ordered the Egyptian wing of the Springfield museum destroyed.
Springfield will have it's first annual "Do What You Feel" festival this Saturday whenever you feel like showing up. It will be a welcome change to our "Do As We Say" festival, started by German settlers in 1946.
Are cartoons too violent for children? Most people would say "No, of course not, what kind of stupid question is that?" But one woman says "Yes"... Marge Simpson.
