The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXFavorite Kent Brockman Quotes
Kent Brockman: Hordes of panicky people seem to be evacuating the town for some unknown reason. Professor, without knowing precisely what the danger is, would you say it's time for our viewers to crack each other's heads open and feast on the goo inside?
Professor: Yes I would, Kent.
Homer: We'll be right back!
Kent Brockman: You don't get to say that!
I'm Kent Brockman, on the eleven o'clock news tonight...a certain kind of soft drink has been found to be lethal, we won't tell you which one until after sports and the weather with funny Sonny Storm.
Could this record-breaking heat wave be the result of the dreaded Greenhouse Effect? Well, if 70-degree days in the middle of winter are the "price" of car pollution, forgive me if I keep my old Pontiac.
We've come up with a camera so tiny it fits into this oversized novelty hat.
Kent Brockman: And now a message from the Church of Latter-Day Saints.
Dog: (on TV) Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! ...
Lisa: Dad! Are you listening to me?
Homer: Shh, Lisa! the dog is barking!
Kent Brockman's Daughter: My new doll is much better than Malibu Stacy. Do a newscast about her.
Kent Brockman: Ho ho, please, honey, Daddy's job is to bring people important news. Right now I'm busy preparing a report about the fortieth anniversary of Beetle Bailey.
Kent Brockman's Daughter: Oh, Daddy, that is boring. Talk about the dolly!
Kent Brockman: Well, you were right about the Berlin Wall.
Kent Brockman: America has a tradition of turning outlaws into legends after their deaths: Billie the Kid. Bonnie and Clyde. Jesus Christ.
Well, this reporter was ... possibly a little hasty earlier and would like to reaffirm his allegiance to this country and its human president. It may not be perfect, but it's the best government we have. For now.
Homer: Marge, the couch is lumpy!
Kent: That's because you're sitting on me, you lummox!
Is it a masterpiece? Or just some guy with his pants down?
Kent
Homer: It's not our fault, we didn't want the boy, he was an accident!
Marge: Homer!!!
Homer: Um, could you edit that last part out?
Kent: Mr. Simpson, we're live coast to coast!
Homer: D'oh!
