The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXKent Brockman Quotes
Kent Brockman's Daughter: My new doll is much better than Malibu Stacy. Do a newscast about her.
Kent Brockman: Ho ho, please, honey, Daddy's job is to bring people important news. Right now I'm busy preparing a report about the fortieth anniversary of Beetle Bailey.
Kent Brockman's Daughter: Oh, Daddy, that is boring. Talk about the dolly!
Kent Brockman: Well, you were right about the Berlin Wall.
Kent Brockman: And now a message from the Church of Latter-Day Saints.
Dog: (on TV) Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! ...
Lisa: Dad! Are you listening to me?
Homer: Shh, Lisa! the dog is barking!
We've also been told to apologize for using the term "geezers." Coming up next, the case of the cantankerous old geezer!
We've come up with a camera so tiny it fits into this oversized novelty hat.
I'm Kent Brockman, on the eleven o'clock news tonight...a certain kind of soft drink has been found to be lethal, we won't tell you which one until after sports and the weather with funny Sonny Storm.
Kent Brockman: Yeah, I know I'm on...but I don't care! I don't read the news until I get my danish. Go ahead, try to find a replacement.
Bumblebee Guy: A powerful tidal wave in Kuala Lumpur has killed 120 people. Aye Chihuahua!
Kent Brockman: Hordes of panicky people seem to be evacuating the town for some unknown reason. Professor, without knowing precisely what the danger is, would you say it's time for our viewers to crack each other's heads open and feast on the goo inside?
Professor: Yes I would, Kent.
Homer: We'll be right back!
Kent Brockman: You don't get to say that!
Kent Brockman: When cat burglaries start, can mass murders be far behind? This reporter isn't saying that the burglar is an inhuman monster like the Wolfman, but he very well could be. So, professor: would you say it's time for everyone to panic?
Professor: Yes I would, Kent.
Well, it looks like we have our first caller. And I mean ever, because this is not a call-in show.
Kent Brockman
Kent Brockman: Well, what do you say to the accusation that your group has been causing more crimes than it's been committing?
Homer: Oh Kent, I'd be lying if I said my men weren't committing crimes.
Kent Brockman: (pause) Mmm, touch.
Barney: I haven't been able to find a job in six years.
Kent Brockman: Hmph. And what training do you have?
Barney: Five years of modern dance, six years of tap.
