Kevin Malone Quotes
Oscar: Do you risk telling him how you feel? Do you say something that you can barely admit to yourself?
Angela: Oh God, what did you do? I mean, not that I approve of any of it but...
Oscar: I was stupid, I told him.
Kevin: Was he in to you in like a gay way?
Michael: Moron, if he was there wouldn't be a story.
Oscar: He told me he wasn't gay
Michael: Really sad.
Oscar: I'm not done yet.
Michael: Oh my God.
- Permalink: Do you risk telling him how you feel? Do you say something that ...
Michael: Oh, look at that. Cupids and hearts. Really shoving our faces in it this year. You doin OK, bud?
Kevin: I miss Stacy.
Michael: Yeah, I hear ya. It's been four months since I was with Holly, and she was way hotter then Stacy. So if you think you're hurting...
Kevin: I can't even imagine.
- Permalink: Oh, look at that. Cupids and hearts. Really shoving our faces in...
Angela: [with cats in background, on Nanny-Cam] Where is that bad cat? Oh, you know who you are. Excuse me, Petals, I'm looking for Mr. Ash. He's a bad cat. Bad, bad cat. Do you hear me? Bad. Yeah, you were bad. No, you look at me when I talk to you. Do you hear me, Mr. Ash? You look at me. 'Cause I'm talking to you right now.
Kevin: This is getting weird.
Oscar: Is she cleaning the cat with her tongue?
- Permalink: Where is that bad cat? Oh, you know who you are. Excuse me, Peta...
Angela: No, now listen. You can't let what you see here sully your image of them. They are good, decent cats. I gotta go. I'll be back in an hour. Oh, stop that! Oh!
Kevin: Oh, the other one's watching.
- Permalink: No, now listen. You can't let what you see here sully your image...
Kevin: Is that what I think it is?
Oscar: Good God!
Kevin: That one ugly cat is humping Princess Lady!
Angela: Stop it, Mr. Ash! Bad cat! That is very bad! You stop it right now! I swear, he is fixed.
Meredith: Yeah, I know fixed; that ain't fixed.
Kevin: No way.
- Permalink: Is that what I think it is? Good God! That one ugly...
Oscar: You have your cats on Nanny-Cam?
Angela: Yeah. I mean, I usually try to take leave when I get a new cat, but I'm out of vacation days. And this company still doesn't recognize cat maternity. I mean, when somebody has a kid, oh sure, take off a year.
Meredith: She's right. I had my second kid just for the vacation.
Angela: Right. Anyways... I just want to make sure Princess Lady is acclimating well. She means more to me than anyone.
Kevin: Any cat, you mean.
Angela: And person.
- Permalink: You have your cats on Nanny-Cam? Yeah. I mean, I usually try t...
Oscar: Where'd you get that kind of money?
Angela: I sold Andy's engagement ring on eBay.
Kevin: Wait, you didn't give it back?
Angela: He wouldn't have wanted that. Her name is Princess Lady!
Meredith: Seven grand?
Meredith: I gotta see that little bitch.
- Permalink: Where'd you get that kind of money? I sold Andy's engagement r...
Angela: Hello, everyone. Oh, ice cream. Nice, Kevin. Looks good.
Kevin: It... yeah.
Oscar: Angela, you're more chipper than usual.
Angela: I am proud to announce that there is a new addition to the Martin family. She's hypoallergenic. She doesn't struggle when you try to dress her. She's a third-generation show cat. Her father was in 'Meet the Parents.' Needless to say, she was very, very expensive.
Meredith: How much?
Angela: Seven thousand dollars.
Creed: For a cat? I could get you a kid for that.
- Permalink: Hello, everyone. Oh, ice cream. Nice, Kevin. Looks good. It......
Kevin: (holding ice creams) I didn't eat lunch.
Kevin: I didn't eat ALL my lunch.
- Permalink: Two? (holding ice creams) I didn't eat lunch. (stares) I ...
Red Cross woman: So, assessing the situation. Are they breathing?
Michael: No, Rose, they are not breathing. And, they have no arms or legs.
Red Cross woman: No that's not part of it.
Michael: Where are they? You know what? If we come across somebody with no arms or legs do we both resuscitating them? I mean what kind of quality of life do we have there?
Kevin: I would wanna live with no legs.
Michael: How 'bout no arms? No arms or legs is basically how you exist right now, Kevin, you don't do anything.
- Permalink: So, assessing the situation. Are they breathing? No, Rose, the...
Kevin: I can't keep doing this forever.
Red Cross woman: It's been 20 seconds.
[Kevin continues for a few seconds, then stops and walks off]
Kevin: Call it.
- Permalink: I can't keep doing this forever. It's been 20 seconds. Cal...
Andy: Okay, it is time for the final votes. All of those in favor of resolution Hillary Swank is hot? [half of office raises hands] Okay. And all those opposed? [other half of office raises hands]
Kevin: This is ridiculous.
Oscar: That's the thing about debating, you're just going to get people more entrenched in the view they had in the first place.
- Permalink: Okay, it is time for the final votes. All of those in favor of r...
I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.Andy
- Permalink: I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days befor...
Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.Michael
- Permalink: Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sin...