Kevin Malone Quotes
Michael: This little hell-raiser is Angela. She has slept with a bunch of different guys in the office. One over there, in the orange [points to Andy]
Michael: There you go! Where's the other?
Charles: You know, Michael, I don't need to know everyone's sexual history.
Michael: Well, perfect, because we have now arrived at Kevin and he has no sexual history.
- Permalink: This little hell-raiser is Angela. She has slept with a bunch of...
Kevin: Lynn, I'm just gonna say to you everything that I am thinking.
Kevin: I think you have the best smile. I'd like to take you out to dinner and a movie.
Kevin: Nice. Boobs.
- Permalink: Hi. Lynn, I'm just gonna say to you everything that I am think...
Kevin: You guys are throwing a lot at me.
Jim: All I'm saying is that it's a first dates, so just keep a respectful distance.
Pam: I don't think Jim means to say that you shouldn't touch her.
Jim: No, that is what I mean.
Pam: [to Jim] Shush. [to Kevin] Kevin, a playful touch on the arm, or on the back, it can show your interest and it's really romantic.
Kevin: [puts hand on Jim's hand] Like that?
Jim: No, stop it.
Andy: Don't touch her. Don't talk to her. Don't look at her.
- Permalink: You guys are throwing a lot at me. All I'm saying is that it's...
Andy, Pam, and Jim are all telling me how to deal with this girl that I like, Lynn. I, I don't like getting advice from more than one person at a time. I'm a textbook over-thinker.
- Permalink: Andy, Pam, and Jim are all telling me how to deal with this girl...
Kevin: I think I should call her.
Andy: No! No! No!
Kevin: Why is it so bad for me to call and ask her to lunch today?
Andy: [sighs] You're making it too easy for her. You're just conveying, 'Oh I like you just the way you are.'
Kevin: But I do like her just the way she is.
Andy: Well that's not what we agreed on.
Jim: What are you doing?
Jim: [to Kevin] Why don't you just go out on a date with her? Try to spark up an on going joke and then in a month or two, if it feels right, you'll know.
Pam: You don't have to wait that long. I mean, you don't have to wait a month to ask her out. Just ask her out.
Andy: You're asking him to give up all of his power.
Jim: What power?
- Permalink: I think I should call her. No! No! No! Why is it so bad for ...
Kevin: Hey, I'm sorry we did not have a chance to talk more. I get very nervous talking to pretty girls. Seriously, feel how sweaty my hand is.
Lynn: That's really sweaty.
Kevin: Are you on email?
Lynn: Oh, yeah.
Kevin: Cool. Bye.
Lynn: Bye, Kevin.
- Permalink: Hey, I'm sorry we did not have a chance to talk more. I get very...
Dwight: ...and the kind of discounts we're talking about are not... hold on - Michael, Why do you keep looking at the front door?
Michael: No reason.
Dwight: Is somebody after you?
Oscar: Why do you always go to that? Has anyone ever been after anyone in this office?
Dwight: Hey, it just takes one!
Michael: Nobody's after me, I just, I met a woman when I was giving blood and I thought she might come by.
Kelly: You met a woman when you were giving blood? That is so romantic.
Michael: It's not a big deal really, I just, you know met somebody, we hardly talked, I picked up her glove so I was hoping I could give it back to her.
Kelly: Oh my God, that makes it even more romantic. This is like a modern day Enchanted, it's like a fairy tale.
- Permalink: ...and the kind of discounts we're talking about are not... hold...
I think I blew it. It all happened so fast. So... fast.
- Permalink: I think I blew it. It all happened so fast. So... fast.
Kevin: At the Circle Drive-In they show old movies. It's really cool.
Lynn: That does sound cool.
Kevin: I used to go there with my fiance. Before she left me. No, I mean, before I left her. She left me. [walks away dejected]
- Permalink: At the Circle Drive-In they show old movies. It's really cool. ...
Dwight: Dwight K. Schrute. Why don't you introduce me to your little friend? Hi, Dwight.
Michael: Babe alert! [to redhead] Hello, I'm Michael Scott, welcome to our little shindig.
Lynn: Oh, hi! I'm Lynn.
Michael: Lynn, follow me, come on in. For you we have one of our top people Kevin Malone. Kevin, come out here show your beautiful self.
Michael: So run with the ball! Run with it, Kev. Where you from?
Kevin: I'm from here!
Michael: Yeah, OK. Well, he only gets better.
Kevin: Thank you, Michael.
- Permalink: Dwight K. Schrute. Why don't you introduce me to your little fri...
Kevin: My worst breakup was with Stacy. It was a Sunday morning, we were reading the paper, and I said "Oh my God, I think the Eagles could clinch the NFC East!" and she said that we're done.
Michael: You know what guys? I don't think we need to do this.
Dwight: You're right. OK everyone, back to work.
- Permalink: My worst breakup was with Stacy. It was a Sunday morning, we wer...
Kevin: A week later a friend of mine calls me up, and he says "I just saw him in a gay bar in Kansas City."
Michael: Well then it's a happy ending, because he was gay. You should call him!
Angela: My worst breakup was actually two breakups. Two different men. I was in love with both of them and when things went bad they had a duel over me.
Oscar: Yeah, Dwight and Andy. We were here.
Angela: No, this was years ago when I was living in Ohio. John Mark and John David.
Oscar: Angela, you had two sets of different men actually duel over you?
Angela: I guess I have. Huh.
Michael: Alright who's next? Where's Andy?
Oscar: He's on one of his honeymoons.
- Permalink: A week later a friend of mine calls me up, and he says I just sa...
I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.Andy
- Permalink: I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days befor...
Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.Michael
- Permalink: Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sin...