Val: Not bad fellas. You're better than you look.
Kevin: Hey screw you!

Dwight: Can you tell me now where paper comes from?
Kevin: The man tree puts its penis...

Kevin: Andy, I think we should acknowledge the man who has led us to such a profitable quarter...to Robert California.
Gabe: I would also like to toast Robert California.
Andy: You can't triple toast somebody.

Good old Kevin. He'll do anything. Well guess what? I will not do a good job.

I'm gonna get in my car. When I start dying I will honk the horn three times. That means save the dog.

If Angela can get a gay man to marry her, maybe I could get a lesbian to marry me. That's hot.

Put back everything in the vending machine, except the fruit.

Oscar: What town do Holly's parents live in?
Michael: I'm not sure...Mount tuh (mumbles).
Kevin: Sounds beautiful.

I love banter, but I hate witty banter.

Hey Deangelo, what do you think about bald people? I hate them.

Nope it's not Ashton Kutcher, it's Kevin Malone. Equally handsome, equally smart.

Michael: We're moving to Colorado.
Kevin: All of us?

The Office Quotes

A little cover up on your adam's apple will make it appear smaller, which will make you look less like a transvestite.

Michael (to Gabe)

Would I rather be feared or loved? Umm...easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.

Michael