Val: Not bad fellas. You're better than you look.
Kevin: Hey screw you!

Dwight: Can you tell me now where paper comes from?
Kevin: The man tree puts its penis...

Kevin: Andy, I think we should acknowledge the man who has led us to such a profitable quarter...to Robert California.
Gabe: I would also like to toast Robert California.
Andy: You can't triple toast somebody.

Good old Kevin. He'll do anything. Well guess what? I will not do a good job.

I'm gonna get in my car. When I start dying I will honk the horn three times. That means save the dog.

If Angela can get a gay man to marry her, maybe I could get a lesbian to marry me. That's hot.

Put back everything in the vending machine, except the fruit.

Oscar: What town do Holly's parents live in?
Michael: I'm not sure...Mount tuh (mumbles).
Kevin: Sounds beautiful.

I love banter, but I hate witty banter.

Hey Deangelo, what do you think about bald people? I hate them.

Nope it's not Ashton Kutcher, it's Kevin Malone. Equally handsome, equally smart.

Michael: We're moving to Colorado.
Kevin: All of us?

The Office Quotes

Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.

Michael

I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.

Andy