Kevin: When I was a kid I was on "Dallas."
Andy: Really?
Kevin: Yeah. We missed our connecting flight so we spent the entire day on Dallas. Then we spent a week on Hawaii. I was on heaven.

Packer: Yeah you know how to read a menu!
Kevin: He's right. I could lose some weight.

Packer: It's great to be among friends... until then, you suckers will do.
Kevin: Nice. We got burned.

I have very little patience for stupidity.

Ryan: You should enter it in festivals.
Kevin: Or carnivals.

Oscar: Go on. Kiss each other already.
Kevin: Suck it Oscar. This must kill you.

Michael: Holly and I are moving in together. Oscar this must be tough for you, watching this go down. You could not stand in the way of true love my friend.
Oscar: Are you kidding? I wasn't trying to break you guys up.
Kevin: Better luck next time pal!

Dwight: Do more stupid faces!
Kevin: Which one? I have a lot of stupid faces.

Can I finish? Is that okay? I was saying... I enjoy watching them because it makes me horny.

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