The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXKrusty the Klown Quotes
Krusty: I'm taking you kids to the happiest place on Earth: Tijuana!
Bart: Krusty! This camp was a nightmare! They fed us gruel, they forced us to make wallets for export, and one of the campers was eaten by a bear!
Krusty: Oh my God!!
Bart: Well, actually, the bear just ate his hat.
Krusty: Was it a nice hat?
Bart: Oh yeah.
Krusty: Oh My God!!
A little schmutz, a little schmear, and presto, you're part of the underclown railroad.
Marge: Krusty, say something funny!
Krusty: Uh, gee, a joke, uuhummeh ah funny, okay, this guy walks into a bar, he takes out a tiny piano, and a twelve inch pianist, oh, no, wait, I can't tell that one!
Krusty: (Laughs weakly) Well, we're still on... three hundred and forty- six consecutive hours, and all because of one little boy who--Who won't let me stop! (Delirious) Okay, now let's go and see if Sideshow Mel has any more of those legal over-the-counter wakeup drugs of his.
Audience: Yaaaaaay!
Bart: Krusty, are you all right?
Krusty: Yes, it's just that saying the bracha brings back a lot of painful memories, the old days, my... my father...
Homer: Hey, Krusty, you going to finish that meatloaf or what?
(singing) We've had lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of fun, but now the time has come... to go. If this old clown was found dead in his bed tomorrow, I'd be in heaven, still doing this show.
Krusty: Ooh! Sex Chat! (dials)
Voice: You've reached the Party Line! In a moment, you'll be connected to a hot party, with some of the world's most beautiful women! Now, let's join the party!
Krusty: Hello?
Man 1: Hello?
Man 2: Hello?
Apu: Are there any women here?
Krusty: Hello!?
Apu: Are you a beautiful woman?
Krusty: Do I sound like a beautiful woman?
Apu: This is not as hot a party as I anticipated.
(reading) Deeee...deee.. dear. Kruuuust. Y?
Krusty: (knocks on door and laughs)
Homer: You think it's him?
Krusty: Milhouse, know any knock-knock jokes?
Milhouse: (cries) I wanna go home!
Bart: Goodnight Krusty, sorry about your dad!
Krusty: Don't worry about me. I'm a survivor. Hey did I leave my keys inside?
Family: NOO!
Krusty: Oh yeah, here they are.
