The Big Bang Theory

Thursdays 8:00 PM on CBS
The big bang theory
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Leonard: See, Howard is just as good a dungeon master as I am.
Sheldon: As good? You just got pantsed in the school yard four eyes.

Leonard: Sometimes change is good. You were worried about Zachary Quinto being the new Spock, but you ended up liking him.
Sheldon: Leonard, please, every time the topic of change comes up you throw Zachary Quinto in my face. I'm upset the mailman has a new haircut -- Zachary Quinto. I'm upset daylight savings time started -- Zachary Quinto. I'm upset daylight savings time ended -- Zachary Quinto. I'm saying this for the last time. Zachary Quinto was a weird, wonderful, unrepeatable event, so stop using him against me.

Professor Proton: I'm having trouble with my pacemaker.
Leonard: I'll call for help.
Penny: Any chance we could plug it into the potato?
Professor Proton: No.

Professor Proton: Is the blond girl really your girlfriend?
Leonard: Yes, sir.
Professor Proton: You're the genius.

Sheldon: Leonard?
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: I still can't sleep.

Howard: How'd you get him to come to your house?
Sheldon: As Professor Proton says, "There is no problem you can't solve if you use your noggin."
Leonard: And, he wrote him a check.
Sheldon: Yeah, that too. A big check.

Leonard: It was pretty cool.
Penny: Aw, so cute when you use the word "cool" wrong. Like when kids say "pasghetti."

If they didn't want to be yelled at by crazy nerds, they shouldn't have started a sci-fi channel.

Sheldon: Why would the Chinese make our DVR record Paul Blart: Mall Cop?
Leonard: I don't know. It's a fat guy on a Segway. That's funny everywhere.

Leonard: Oh, you do what you want, but I don't want to lose my friends over tenure. Friends are forever.
Howard [coughing]: So, is tenure.

Way to hit'em with both barrels.

Seriously, is that tape? Like, how are they staying up like that?

Amy
Displaying quotes 97 - 108 of 448 in total

TBBT Quotes

Penny: Here's a question-- as an alien pretending to be human, are you planning to engage in any post-prom mating rituals with Amy?
Sheldon: There are post-prom mating rituals?
Penny: Not always. Unless your date drives a van with an air mattress, then always.
Sheldon: Well, if it's part of the prom experience, then I'm open to it.
Penny: You're kidding.
Sheldon: I may be an alien, but I have urges.If Amy wants to copulate by firing her eggs into space, well, then, I will happily catch them with the reproductive sac on my upper flermin. I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I can see that you're a little turned on.

Penny, there's only one cookie with something in the middle that solves life's problems, and that's an Oreo. Or a Nutter Butter, if you're in a pinch.

Sheldon