The Big Bang Theory

Thursdays 8:00 PM on CBS
The big bang theory
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Okay, so Wolowitz and Stuart are paralyzed, Santa's dead, and I picked this over sex with my girlfriend.

Leonard: I grew up in a house full of crazy academics. Instead of leaving Santa milk and cookies, we had to leave him a research paper. And, in the morning you could tell he'd been there because that paper would be graded.
Sheldon: No wonder you love Christmas. That sounds amazing.

Penny: Is having a real-life girlfriend that has sex with you getting in the way of your board games.
Leonard: A little bit, yeah.

Penny: You are so butch.
Leonard: Oh, I got a little paper cut.
Penny: Of course you did, your hands are softer than veal.

Sheldon: Is anyone else troubled by the Spider-Man theme song?
Leonard: Why would it trouble you? It's like your third favorite cartoon theme song.
Sheldon: It is, right behind [Sheldon sings "Inspector Gadget" and "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" theme songs]
Sheldon: However, the Spider-Man lyrics posit that Spider-Man's Spider-Man does whatever a spider can.
Howard: Yeah, so?
Sheldon: I can think of many things that Spider-Man can't do that a spider can. One crawl in your ear and die, two legally leave Guatemala without a passport, and three have sex with a spider.

Raj: You got this buddy.
Leonard: Yeah, come on, Howard. Hook that worm.
Raj: You can do it.
Penny: That's great. Cheerleading. Way to man things up.

Sheldon: Leonard, you're my best friend. Why don't you ever take my side.
Leonard: Because I can never understand your side!

We're still dating, right?

Leonard: Who you talking to?
Penny: Just this guy I met at school.
Leonard: We're still dating, right?

Howard: Boy, if these walls could talk.
Leonard: They'd say, "Why does he touch himself so much?"
Howard: Yeah.

She writes like she cooks.

Sheldon: Oh, ow, blueberry in my nose. Blueberry in my nose.
Leonard: Snort it down and keep eating.
Sheldon: [snorts]

Displaying quotes 121 - 132 of 434 in total

TBBT Quotes

Amy: I simply pointed out that they would never consider doing an article ranking male scientists on their sexuality, let alone showing them in various stages of undress.
Bernadette: Because no one wants to see Neil deGrasse Tyson in a wet T-shirt bent over the hood of a Porsche.

Penny, there's only one cookie with something in the middle that solves life's problems, and that's an Oreo. Or a Nutter Butter, if you're in a pinch.

Sheldon
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