Jennifer: I swear the air in this town is killing my brain cells."
Leslie: The water isn't good for you either, you shouldn't drink the tap water.

I've gotten to know the city councilmen pretty well because of my campaign. If you hear them talking about that blonde pain in the ass, that's me.

Leslie: Did he do all this just for you?
Ann: No, he just lives like this. He's deeply in debt, but who cares.

It's like dealing with a strict mother who I am confusingly attracted to. Ben is like a MILF.

Ben: I guess we'll just set fire to the studio or something.
Leslie: Oh that's so sweet, I've never had a boyfriend willing to commit arson for me before.
Donna: It gets old.

I think we may have used up all our luck tonight. Actually, not all of it, he's about to get lucky. [Leslie points to Ben] It's on.

Like I always say, stairs is a young man's game.

As a candidate I appreciate your strategic mind, but as a woman all I care about is your slight but powerful body.

Please let me get my insult out I've been practicing it the whole way over here!

That's the style now Ron. It's called Lollipopping. All the kids are doing it.

Yes, Walter, it does say that you're right. But using basic logic and human intelligence one can surmise that this is a link to an image.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm about to endorse 10 beers into my mouth because it has been an incredible stressful evening.

Parks & Rec Quotes

Leslie: I know you're not gay.
Tom: No, I'm not.
Leslie: But you're effeminate.
Tom: What?
Leslie: Well, you're wearing a peach shirt with a coiled snake on it.
Tom: That's because it was featured in Details magazine, and it's awesome.

Look, Tammy and I don't work. We are oil and water. Or oil and TNT and C4 and a detonator and a butane torch.

Ron