Jerry: Mine just says "get well soon."
Leslie: Aren't you sick?
Jerry: No.
Leslie: ...something's off.

Leslie: "The Time Travelers Optometrist" by Pawnee's own Penelope Foster. A heart-warming story about a caveman eye doctor who travels to present day Cincinnati and can see everything but love. Unreadable. Then Joan slaps her sticker on it: bestseller four years in a row.

Leslie: I have to tell you this feels like Gotcha journalism.
Joan: In what way?
Leslie: That way [points to a picture] you put "Gotcha" on my face.

I am back where I came from!

I'm from Eagleton.

Leslie: You could go to jail. Jail, Ron. Ron, Jail. Jail, Ron, jail. You could go to jail. Jail. Jail. Jail. Jail.
Ron: Are you broken?

Most of these aren't even receipts, like this one says "I bought supplies 2007."

Leslie: Why do you have so many guns?
Tamara: This is America isn't it?
Leslie: Yes.
Tamara: Then I don't have to answer stupid questions while standing on my own property.

Ron: Knope, follow me!
Leslie: Just one second.
Ron: Now!

Leslie: Do you need to get that?
Ann: No, it's just penises.

Waiter: Would you like any wine to start?
Leslie: Yes, and I'm gonna be direct and honest with you, I would like a glass of red wine and I'll take the cheapest one you have because I can't tell the difference.

Ron: What are you doing here?
Leslie: Running away from my problems.
Ron: Come on in.

Parks & Rec Quotes

Andy: There's an old saying in show business: The show must go wrong. Everything always goes wrong, and you just have to deal with it.

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!

April