The raccoon problem is under control. They have their part of the town and we have ours.

And so as you can see Pawnee has 12 beautiful baseball diamonds. And our seats have extra cushions due to the massive size of our average citizen.


Their bathmats are amazing it's like stepping on a lamb.

Leslie: Ann, everything you have is too sexy. This is actually the dress Julia Roberts wore as prostitute in Pretty Woman.

Ann: I know I look really good in it.

Ann: Also, I can talk about my qualifications for this position, but first I am gonna go throw up in a waste basket.

Leslie: Would you mind if I joined you?

Ann: Not at all.

Leslie: John Ralphio!

John: Yes, I'm here.

Leslie: Dance up on me.

And let's be honest, it would be nice to not have to pull strange things out of people's butts every night.

Leslie: Do you remember what you said to me five years ago when Eagleton offered me that job and I asked you for your advice?
Ron: Do whatever the hell you want. What do I care?
Leslie: Right, but then after, when I pressed you, what did you say?
Ron: I believe I said that I thought we worked well together, and that I might disagree with your philosophy but I respected you. And I said that you'll get a lot of job offers in your life but you only have one hometown.
Leslie: Yes, that's how I remember it.

The only thing I'm guilty of is loving Pawnee. And punching Lindsay in the face and shoving a coffee filter down her pants.

I doth proclaim to be a stupid fart face.

Fixed her "deviated septum" and lost 35 pounds. And lost something else... what was it again? Oh yeah, her soul.

Ron refuses to tell anyone when his birthday is. He's even had it redacted on all government documents.