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Joe, you work in sewage. Your department literally specializes in crap. You really want to do this?

We really need better security here. We also need better, less offensive history.

The mural that normally resides here is called The Spirit of Pawnee, and it's very controversial. We've had someone throw acid at it, tomato sauce. Someone tried to stab it once.

Ron: Every time she laughs, an angel dies. Even telemarketers avoid her. Her birth was payback for the sins of man. But you know the worst thing about her?
Leslie: She works for the library.
Ron: She works for the library.

Ron: Tammy is a mean person.
Leslie: Come on, Ron. You can do better than that.
Ron: She's a grade-A bitch.
Leslie: There we go.

Are you even listening to yourself? You're defending the library now? Ron, the library. Of all the horrifying miserable things in the world.

So what did you guys talk about? Old times? Oh, I love talking about old times. New times are great too, but there's just something about old times. You know what I mean?

Leslie: I want it to be a perfect park with state-of-the-art swing set and basketball courts and off to the side a lovely sitting area for kids with asthma to watch other kids play.
Tammy: Wow. If I had a park like that when I was growing up I probably wouldn't have gone through such a prolonged mall slut phase.
Leslie: Well, that's... that's the goal, Tammy.

Tammy: You have overdue book fees totaling three dollars, missy.
Leslie: That is so typical. I should have known you'd use a low blow dirty pool BS move like that. That's why everybody hates the library. Here, you know what? Here's your three dollars. And I'll see you in hell.

Leslie: I knew that you had two ex-wives named Tammy, so I was hoping that there was one you got along with and...
Ron: Nope. Hate 'em both.

Leslie: Does she have any weaknesses?
Ron: No.
Leslie: What do you mean no? Everybody has a weakness.
Ron: Not machines. I honestly believe that she was programmed by someone from the future to come back and destroy all happiness.

Leslie: Ron's ex-wife? That's terrific. Or is that awful? I mean he hates her, but he knows her. Everything's OK, or is it just the same?
Tom: Leslie, you're thinking out loud again.
Leslie: Am I? I am.

Displaying quotes 409 - 420 of 518 in total

Parks & Rec Quotes

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!

April

Dear frozen yogurt, you are the celery of desserts. Be ice cream or be nothing.

Ron
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