Leslie: Everyone's going to do Santa for two hours, so I would just advise everyone before you get in your costume to go to the bathroom so we can avoid what happened last year.
Jerry: It was just farts.

For the first time, our tree-lighting ceremony will be simulcast on internet radio.

Leslie: How could there possibly still be glitter on me?
Tom: It takes forever to get off. My crotch looks like a disco ball.

Could you carry him out of here, please? And, you know, also maybe not have sex with his wife.

I don't get men. If they're not wagering their girlfriends in pool, then they're trying to steal each others' wives. It makes you question the whole notion of those bromance movies.

Tom, it's perfectly normal to feel devastated when something is over. That's exactly how I felt when that Planet Earth series ended.

Go crazy, OK? Give my friend here the works. Really grind the sorrow out of him.

Leslie: OK, Tom. Go put these in places I do not approve of.
Tom: Leslie, I'm gonna put these in places you've never heard of.

OK, lap dances are on me. I mean I'm paying for them. They're not gonna actually be on me.

I'm a feminist, OK? I would never ever go to a strip club. I've gone on record that if I had to have a stripper's name, it would be Equality. But I'm willing to sacrifice all that I've worked for just to put a smile on your perverted little face.

April: I want to go to The Glitter Factory.
Leslie: Well, drop out of school and start doing meth.

Leslie: We are going to The Glitter Factory.
Tom: What?
Donna: Not me. I can't go back there. But if you see Jasmine tell her she can keep Anfernee, but I want my microwave back.

Parks & Rec Quotes

Andy: There's an old saying in show business: The show must go wrong. Everything always goes wrong, and you just have to deal with it.

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!

April