It’s your me. It’s wife.

I need the good stuff. The “Mariah needs to sing tonight” stuff.

Andy: If you do collapse, I know first aid, er karate.
Leslie: That’s not first aid.
Andy: It is if you do it right! Heimlich!

Leslie: Will you go to the prom with me?
Ben: Why, I thought you’d never ask…because we’re 40.

Leslie: What’s your favorite TV show?
Donna: For live tweeting it’s Scandal, for binge watching, it’s Scandal. And for fashion? Scandal. My favorite TV show is Scandal.

Leslie: Now is lady time.
April: You sound like a tampon commercial.

Leslie: What’s the 411? Who you crushin’ on these days?
April: Ew, my husband, weirdo.

The only thing I’m crazy about is a magnificent pregnant manta ray named Ann Perkins.

Ben: We can just sit back and take it easy.
Leslie: No, we’re going to lean forward and take it hard.

Chillin’ in the studs with my dudes.

Good, I hate paperwork. I hardly ever do it in my bed on a Saturday night listening to old Spice Girls CDs.

Once again, Pawnee citizens might tolerate/ignore me!