Ann, you poetic and noble land mermaid.

All I want is the promise of democracy.

The election is coming up. Jamm keeps trying to find new ways to screw me over. He tried to have me listed on the ballet as Leslie Buttface Hitler the IV.

Ben, your heart's in the right place. Your heart and your butt.

I'll tell you what's not fair. I'm going to have to watch the Oscars with Ben alone this year! Remember Angelina Jolie and the leg dress moment? He had and I quote, 'No comment!'

Who wants to stay in the greatest town in the world with her best friend and be happy forever when she can abandon her soul sister and live in a city city full of jerks? I get it—no hard feelings!

Pawnee has the first documented case of mega-diabetes.

Things are exactly the same as they were in 1817. Except women and minorities can vote, we have indoor toilets, they don't burn widows for learning arithmetic.

Your butler made your bed and now you need to lie in it.

When you tell an Eagletonian they need an oil change, they ask Extra Virgin or White Truffle.

She thinks she's so great because she won the Miss Indiana Beauty Pageant. Last year. In office. While pregnant.

Look, am I proud of it? Yes, because Eagleton sucks. Is it the classiest move? Yes, because Eagleton sucks. Would I do it again? Yes, because Eagleton sucks.