The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXLisa Simpson Quotes
Bret: She can't hear us. We're stage whispering.
Lisa: I can hear you.
Jermaine: No you can't!
Lisa: One night we spoke only in lines from famous poems.
Grampa: Because I could not stop for death, he kindly stopped for me.
Lisa: Emily Dickson!?
Grampa: No, I was just describing my day.
Otto: What's the matter Lisa, you're normally the first one off this death trap?
Lisa: The combination of me leaving arts camp and you driving on and off the shoulder has made me a little ill.
Otto: I guess I shouldn't be playing this driving game while driving.
Lisa: Quiet. It's time for the noblest Nobel Prize of all.. the Peace Prize.
Homer: I would kill for that!
Homer: It's 4 am, you kids should have been in bed a half hour ago.
Lisa: We're watching the Nobel Prize announcement lives from Stockholm.
Homer: Ooh, the Nobies.
(After Homer shows Lisa the hive containing the new hybrid bees he and Moe had created)
Lisa: They sound awfully mad. Are they dangerous?
Homer: Hmm, I'm not sure. Let me check. (Lifts the lid of the hive) Are you guys dangerous? (The bees fly out of the hive and knock Homer down) A simple "Yes" would've sufficed!
(Lisa releases the bees into their sanctuary)
Lisa: Oh, I miss them.
Marge: Now you know how I'll feel when you go to college.
Lisa: You'll always have Bart! Always.
Marge: But he'll be gone a lot repairing refrigerators.
Lisa: Always.
(Lisa's bees are swarming around the breakfast table)
Bart: Mom, maybe you shouldn't have put so much syrup on the pancakes.
Homer: The secret is not to swallow the stingers. (takes big bite of pancakes with bees on them, and spits stingers out into a glass)
Lisa: Dad, don't eat the bees!
Homer: They're just drones, Lisa, they only live for, like, five minutes anyway! And they only have haploid cells, not diploid like me and Bart!
Bart: Yeah! (high-fives Homer)
Lisa: Willie, I didn't know you were an apiarist.
Groundskeeper Willie: From context, I can tell that means beekeeper.
Lisa: Dad, we have to do something all the bees are dying!
Homer: (sarcastically) Oh, no! No bees! Ooh, now who will sting me and walk all over my sandwiches?
Lisa: But, Dad! Bees pollinate flowers.
Homer: Pfft. Flowers, the painted whores of the plant world.
Homer: Good news, Lisa! I don't need your mother anymore. I've created a replacement for her that's superior to her in almost every way!
Lisa: Dad, that's just a plant.
Homer: Lisa! You will respect your new mother! Now, give her a kiss. Kiss her! (he knocks the plant out of the treehouse) Aah! Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god! All right, let's get our stories straight she tripped, right?
Lisa: Will you be lecturing from a standardized text or using the more Socratic method of interactive class participation?
Homer: Yes, Lisa. Daddy's a teacher.
