The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXLisa Simpson Quotes
(Homer throws an orange into a vortex and it disappears.)
Homer: Hey, pretty slick!
(A crumpled wad of paper flies back out of the vortex and Lisa reads it.)
Lisa: "Quit throwing your garbage into our dimension."
Dad seems to be taking this in a less than heroic fashion.
</i> Lisa
Bart: (prays) Well, old-timer, I guess this is the end of the road. I know I haven't always been a good kid, but if I have to go to school tomorrow, I'll fail the test and be held back. I just need one more day to study, Lord. I need your help.
Lisa: (spying on Bart) Prayer. The last refuge of a scoundrel.
Bart: A teachers' strike, a power failure, a blizzard. Anything that'll cancel school tomorrow. I know it's asking a lot, but if anyone can do it, You can. Thanking You in advance, Your pal, Bart Simpson.
I traded away my pearls. Without them I'm just a big Maggie.
A dime? What do you think I am, a payphone from 1980?
Bart: We know who you are, Ms. Botz. Or should I say, Ms. Botzcowski. You're the Baby-sitter Bandit!
Ms. Botz: You're a smart, young man, Bart. I hope you're smart enough to keep your mouth shut.
Lisa: He isn't.
Krusty the Clown: Hey, kids! Who do you love?
Audience: Krusty!
Krusty the Clown: How much do you love me?
Bart and Lisa: With all our hearts!
Krusty the Clown: What would you do if I went off the air?
Bart and Lisa: We'd kill ourselves!
Lisa: Wait a minute. Krusty can't read.
Bart: Okay! Okay! So the poor guy can't read. Can't we get off his back, already?
Lisa: No! Don't you get it, Bart? How could Krusty have been reading a magazine if he can't read?
Apu: Hey, hey. This is not a lending library. If you're not going to buy that thing put it down, or I'll blow your heads off!
Marge: Oh, my! All this senseless violence. I don't understand its appeal.
Bart: We don't expect you to, Mom.
Lisa: If cartoons were meant for adults, they'd put them on in prime time.
(The Simpson family waits for Adil's arrival at the airport.)
Lisa: You know, in Albania, the unit of currency is called the lek.
Homer: (Chuckles). You gotta be kiddin'. (Chuckles) The lek.
Lisa: And the national flag is a two-headed eagle on a red field.
Homer: Give me the ol' stars and stripes.
Lisa: And the main export is furious political thought.
Homer: Political what?
Adil: How can you defend a country where 5 percent of the people control 95 percent of the wealth?
Lisa: I'm defending a country where people can think, and act, and worship any way they want!
Adil: Can not.
Lisa: Can too.
Adil: Can not!
Lisa: Can too!
Homer: Please, please kids! Stop fighting. Maybe Lisa's right about America being the land of opportunity, and maybe Adil has a point about the machinery of capitalism being oiled with the blood of the workers.
(Adil clears the dishes after dinner.)
Homer: Did you see that? You know, Marge, this the way I've always wanted it to be. We've become a fully functioning family unit. We've always blamed ourselves, but I guess it's pretty clear which cylinder wasn't firing.
Marge: Homer!
Lisa: Your paper-thin commitment to your children sends shivers down my spine! May I be excused?
(Lisa gets up and leaves.)
Marge: Lisa!
Homer: Oh, she's just jealous. She'll get over it. And if she doesn't, we can always exchange her. (Laughs)
Marge: Homer!
Homer: Just kidding!
