Mac Quotes

Me, too. I did my hair good and I wore two colognes.

Mac: Dennis, how does this make you feel?
Dennis: Powerful.
Mac: Yes, of course. But, how does it affect you sexually?
Dennis: I'm very aroused right now.
Mac: I, too, am aroused.
Frank: I'm startin' to swell up.

Dennis: Real women don't even look like that.
Dee: Hey, guys!
Dennis: That (*points to Dee*) is what real women look like.
Mac: Dee, are you sick?
Dee: No! I feel great. I haven't been able to shower in a couple days. I've been gaming like a loon.

Mac: Fight Milk! The first alcoholic dairy based protein drink for bodyguards!
Charlie: By bodyguards! I drink it every morning so I can fight like a crow.

Andrew Caine: And you are?
Mac: Vic Vinegar. Bodyguard. I don't shake hands, so don't even try.

Mac: Okay, I'm going to run Ops. That door is the only entrance/exit,
so if anyone enters, I'll spring off the balcony.
Dennis: No, no. That's a 50 foot drop.
Mac: And I'm a professional, so I will tuck and roll the landing.
Dennis: You're gonna tuck and roll through a 50 foot drop?
Mac: Dennis, if I had a gun with me, I'd be spraying bullets into the
air as I fell.

Charlie's Mom: I don't like this speech. The speech is too graphic.
Mac: It needs to be graphic to get their attention! (to Charlie) This bitch is driving me crazy.

Charlie's Mom: I feel like I'm lying.
Mac: You're not lying, Mrs. Kelly. You're really dying of cancer.
Artemis: It's devouring your insides, but we need it to look like it's devouring your outsides so it plays better for our audience (winks at Charlie and Mac).

Mac: It's the Holy Trinity: Beef and beer and Jesus.

Charlie: Where's your mom going?
Mac: Oh, she keeps a cigarette burning out on the steps outside, so she's gonna go hack a butt.

Mac: I picture anything but black.
Dr. Jinx: Didn't you ever watch The Cosby Show when you were comin' up?
Mac: Oh, no. My parents would never allow anything like that.

Dennis: Yeah, I gotta say - this is a strange place for a doctor's office. What's this guy's name?
Mac: Dr. Jinx.
Dennis: Dr. Jinx is the name of a monkey, not a man.

It's Always Sunny Quotes

Charlie: I'll totally pull a Good Will Hunting on those kids and that'll put them in their place.
Mac: How you gonna do that?
Charlie: Well, you've seen the movie right?
Mac: Yeah.
Charlie: So all I gotta do is, I'll ask them some big shot, like math or science, history-type college question aand that will totally stump them by knowing a lot more about the answer than they do.
Mac: In that movie, Matt Damon played a genius janitor, you're just a janitor.
Charlie: Right, you stumped me with that one.

Mac: He doesn't have any poison.
Charlie: I don't have any on me, but I do keep some in my fridge at home in the relish jar.
Frank: There's poison in that jar? I thought I was allergic to pickles. What's in the jar with the skull and crossbones?
Charlie: Well that's mayonnaise. It's a decoy.
Frank: And the mayo?
Charlie: That's shampoo.
Frank: You're telling I've been putting shampoo on my sandwiches?
Charlie: If you've been using the mayonnaise, then yeah, probably.

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