You waste so much time talking when you should be plowing.

Mac [to Dennis]

I'm 200 lbs. I'm as big as my avatar!

Dee is guilty of sloth...and she's pro-abortion.

Mac [to priest]

I drank three bottles of champagne and hung out with a stray dog all night under a bridge. It was sweet.

He said 'fire off'...I like that.

Mac [referring to musclehead]

Dee [to Dennis]: What in God's name have you done to your face?
Mac: You look like a monster.

How did your friends make you fat? Were they force feeding you?

Priest

I command you to smite my friends!

Mac [to God]

Mac: Bless me Father for I have sinned.
Priest: What is your confession?
Mac: I'm fat.

Who was it that said 'I'll be in and out like a demon's whisper'?

Mac [to Dennis]

Charlie: I can't see the driver's face but the man appears to have pointy feet.
Mac: Those are cowboy boots.

Dee banged a fat, old, black lady and sent her a bunch of hair.

It's Always Sunny Quotes

Frank: I opened up to a therapist just once. I was a kid. I got into a fight. The doctor asked me question after question, got me so scrambled up. Next thing I know, I was shanghai'd upstate to a nitwit school. You know what a nitwit school is?
Therapist: I assume you mean a school for the mentally disabled.
Frank (spits pistachio shell): Yeah, not just for nuts in the head, but bodies, too. Back then science was real crude, they stuck us all together. My roommate was a frog-kid. You ever see a frog-kid?

No I don't eat dragon, cause, uh, it's not a meal for peasants, it's a meal for kings, and I'm sort of a common man. But they don't eat us, it's a common misconception. They actually eat gold and treasure -- that's why they're always sitting on a pile of it.

Charlie