I command you to smite my friends!

Mac [to God]

Mac: Bless me Father for I have sinned.
Priest: What is your confession?
Mac: I'm fat.

Who was it that said 'I'll be in and out like a demon's whisper'?

Mac [to Dennis]

Charlie: I can't see the driver's face but the man appears to have pointy feet.
Mac: Those are cowboy boots.

Dee banged a fat, old, black lady and sent her a bunch of hair.

Hair? Sending hair? That's demented.

It's like an online shush.

Mac [complaining about not being friended]

Naked pics online? That's disgusting. On a website? There's so many of them though. Where? Which one?

Bill Gates and that rain man, Mark Zuckerberg.

3D boobies. Now THIS is news.

The love of your life was a black woman named Shadynasty?

Why wouldn't we have a crucifix in the bar?