You waste so much time talking when you should be plowing.

Mac [to Dennis]

I'm 200 lbs. I'm as big as my avatar!

Dee is guilty of sloth...and she's pro-abortion.

Mac [to priest]

I drank three bottles of champagne and hung out with a stray dog all night under a bridge. It was sweet.

He said 'fire off'...I like that.

Mac [referring to musclehead]

Dee [to Dennis]: What in God's name have you done to your face?
Mac: You look like a monster.

How did your friends make you fat? Were they force feeding you?

Priest

I command you to smite my friends!

Mac [to God]

Mac: Bless me Father for I have sinned.
Priest: What is your confession?
Mac: I'm fat.

Who was it that said 'I'll be in and out like a demon's whisper'?

Mac [to Dennis]

Charlie: I can't see the driver's face but the man appears to have pointy feet.
Mac: Those are cowboy boots.

Dee banged a fat, old, black lady and sent her a bunch of hair.

It's Always Sunny Quotes

Principal: I'm a little confused, are you telling me this photo of Bruce Jenner is your resume?
Charlie: Well, when I showed up this morning I didn't have a formal resume on me so i was sort of hoping the photograph of Mr. Jenner could represent the standard of excellence I'm hoping to bring to his position.
Principal: And you're looking for a job as a substitute teacher?
Charlie: Substitute janitor.

Frank: When it's white people, it's surviving. When it's black people, it's looting.
Dee: No Frank. It's because the white people are stealing bread and the black people are stealing speakers.