Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern-family

I've seen the kid do a pull-up.

The universe is cold and loveless.

He has a natural confidence. I admire it and fear it.

She can't take criticism about her driving. Once an old lady yelled at her at a crosswalk, she honked so long, the horn ran out.

Her name is Whitney. I met her in the online book club. We both like vampire fiction and the romance of eternal life.

Gloria: Every culture has their own traditions. For example, in our culture, the Baby Jesus is the one that brings the presents, not the Santa Claus.
Jay: That's doesn't make sense. How could a new born baby carry all those presents? They don't even know where their hands are.
Manny: At least a baby could fit through a chimney.
Jay: How could you sit on the Baby Jesus' lap? You'd squish him.

If this so-called Santa Claus doesn't bring me a burgundy dinner jacket, I'm going to have a big problem.

[Jay and Manny watching Miracle on 34th Street]
Manny: Are you crying?
Jay: What are you, a robot? It's a deeply emotional movie.

Manny: In Colombia, they open presents at midnight and stay up til morning.
Jay: I'm sure they do, but if you notice from the absence of goats in the streets, we're not in Colombia.

Gloria: So take back your sword and go fight this sword like a bull!
Manny: Okay.
Gloria: I can't hear you.
Manny: Okay!
Jay: I can't hear you!
Manny: That's really as loud as I can go.

Manny: How's my hair?
Jay: Hold on, what are you wearing there? That looks like an old Christmas tree skirt
Manny: It's a traditional Colombian pioncho, I want my new classmates to know I'm proud of my heritage
Gloria: I think you look very handsome, lindo!
Jay: Oh really? Am I driving him to school or is he gonna ride his burro?

Jay: I don't like watching football with people that don't care about the game, they talk
Manny: You talk during my football games
Jay: For one thing it's called soccer and your team scored two goals all season, I'm not risking much

Displaying quotes 97 - 108 of 115 in total

Modern Family Quotes

I'm sort of like Costco. I'm big, I'm not fancy and I dare you to not like me.

Cameron

Alex: Dad, we haven't had lunch yet.
Phil: Neither have half the kids in Africa. Stop yappin' and get back to work.

x Close Ad