Manny: Any suggestions?
Jay: I usually go with earrings

Luke: Manny and I are going to practice lay-ups.
Manny: They are deceptively hard. A curious mix of dance and strength.
Luke: You're ruining it again.

Do I have time for a steam?

I don't think I can get through this without crying. Maybe we should just go on to the cold cuts.

Lots of stuff that doesn't kill you makes you weaker.

Manny: Today feels like a good day for halibut. Hey, Jay, did I ever tell you about the time I used peanut butter and jelly for bait?
Jay: I don't know. You tell me a lot of funny things.

Can we stop calling me little guy? I'm in the fortieth percentile.

You have a laugh that makes science lab seem like recess.

I've seen the kid do a pull-up.

The universe is cold and loveless.

He has a natural confidence. I admire it and fear it.

She can't take criticism about her driving. Once an old lady yelled at her at a crosswalk, she honked so long, the horn ran out.

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

Claire: My mom started drinking these cocktails called "horny Colombians" with some of Gloria's uncles, whom apparently the drink was named after
Phil: Oh come, they were funny
Claire: They kept grabbing my butt
Phil: Somebody is full of herself. It's a Colombian wedding tradition.. they said