Marge: Oh God! Someone carved swastikas on your eyes.
Homer: Oh Marge, I'm sure it was just some guy filled with hate.

Marge: This is so exciting! Watching a movie outside with the whole town.
Comic Book Guy: Yes, thank you for talking to one of us like we just tuned in! (his lawn chair collapses) Ooh, a fat man falls! Real original!

Marge: (About the Merry Go Round) Can I go again?
Homer: All night, baby.
(Bart and Lisa groan.)

Marge: Homer!
Lisa: Bart!
INS Man: Portuguese Fausto!
Fausto: Ay! Yi! Yi!

Homer: Why did you let that loser into our home?
Marge: I'll tell you why--Christian charity.
Homer: Christian Charity? What does a porn star have to do with this?

I'm so sick of Gil, he ruins my Thanksgiving, uses my leg razor to peel his carrots

Gil: Aw, come on, you can't say no to Gil.
Marge: (Loudly) NO!!!!

Marge: Bartholomew J. Simpson! How can you be so mean?
Bart: What can you do about it?
(She whacks him on the head with a spoon.)
Bart: Hey!
Marge: I'll whack you with the whole salad set if you don't start thinking about others!

Homie, this sculpting has made me feel so fulfilled! I'm as hopeful and full of life as I was in the years before I met you!

Marge: Homer, don't drink and drive!
Homer: Fine, I'll drive between sips.

Marge: Don't worry. I have a secret weapon. One more deadly then any gun.
Bart: Lisa's face?
Marge: A phone tree.

Marge: Homer our son joined the army!
Homer: Yeah big deal. By the time Bart is eighteen we're gonna control the world We're China right?

The Simpsons Quotes

Officer Eddie: (reading Steve Sax's license) Well well, Steve Sax, from New York City.
Officer Lou: I heard some guy got killed in New York City and they never solved the case. But you wouldn't know anything about that now, would you, Steve?
(Lou and Eddie laugh)
Steve Sax: But there are hundreds of unsolved murders in New York City.
Officer Lou: You don't know when to keep your mouth shut, do you, Saxxy Boy?

Wow, now I see why they call you Miss Hoover. You must have been vacuuming for an hour.

Bart