Snake: Hand over your wallet.
Homer: You don't frighten me!
(Snake shoots Homer)
Homer: Or my wife!
(Snake shoots Marge)
Homer: Or my--
Marge: Shut up!

Marge: Homer, that's too much sugar.
Homer: It's not sugar, it's carmel!

Marge: Oh God! Someone carved swastikas on your eyes.
Homer: Oh Marge, I'm sure it was just some guy filled with hate.

Marge: This is so exciting! Watching a movie outside with the whole town.
Comic Book Guy: Yes, thank you for talking to one of us like we just tuned in! (his lawn chair collapses) Ooh, a fat man falls! Real original!

Marge: (About the Merry Go Round) Can I go again?
Homer: All night, baby.
(Bart and Lisa groan.)

Marge: Homer!
Lisa: Bart!
INS Man: Portuguese Fausto!
Fausto: Ay! Yi! Yi!

Homer: Why did you let that loser into our home?
Marge: I'll tell you why--Christian charity.
Homer: Christian Charity? What does a porn star have to do with this?

I'm so sick of Gil, he ruins my Thanksgiving, uses my leg razor to peel his carrots

Gil: Aw, come on, you can't say no to Gil.
Marge: (Loudly) NO!!!!

Marge: Bartholomew J. Simpson! How can you be so mean?
Bart: What can you do about it?
(She whacks him on the head with a spoon.)
Bart: Hey!
Marge: I'll whack you with the whole salad set if you don't start thinking about others!

Homie, this sculpting has made me feel so fulfilled! I'm as hopeful and full of life as I was in the years before I met you!

Marge: Homer, don't drink and drive!
Homer: Fine, I'll drive between sips.

The Simpsons Quotes

Horst: (Sinister) Okay, Mr. Burns, you win. But beware. We Germans aren't all smiles and sunshine.
Mr. Burns: (Sarcastic) Oooh, the Germans are mad at me. I'm so scared! Oooh, the Germans! (Hiding behind Smithers) Uh oh, the Germans are going to get me!
Horst: Stop it!
Man: Stop, sir.
Mr. Burns: Don't let the Germans come after me. Oh no, the Germans are coming after me.
Man: Please stop the "pretending you are scared" game, please.
Horst: Stop it! Stop it!
Mr. Burns: (Pause) No! They're so big and strong!
Man: Stop it.
Horst: Stop it, Mr. Burns.
Man: Please stop pretending you are scared of us, please, now.
Mr. Burns: Oh, protect me from the Germans! The Germans--
Horst: Burns, Stop it!

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!