Coach: Let me get this straight. You want our boys to play a fake rematch against Springfield so your son can make the catch he missed and feel better about himself?
Marge: Exactly!
Coach: I guess I could, if you pretend to be my fiance when my mother comes to visit.
Marge: Okay, if you pretend to be our chauffeur at my high-school reunion.
Coach: Fine, fine, if you pretend to be a ghost in an old amusement park I'm trying to buy.
Marge: We should stop now.
Coach: Yeah.

I was killed--by my own son!

</i> Marge

(Moe's character, a troll, appears)
Moe: I'm Moe. I'm playing this while I'm on the can.
Marge: Wow, Moe. You're a troll.
Moe: What? No. My character's suppose to look like me. (Angrily) Why does everyone keep thinking I'm a troll? (He storms off under a bridge, stomps around and mutters angrily)

Lisa: And this website will tell you the weather.
Marge: Sunny? I never have to look out the window again.

(Marge's character is stuck in front of a wall)
Marge: This is really annoying.
(Grandpa is doing the same thing)
Grandpa: You're telling me.

(Marge discovers that Milhouse is a girl)
Marge: Why, Milhouse. Don't you look lovely.
Milhouse: (Angrily) It's a spell! (Sweetly) And thank you.

(After Bart brought Marge's character back to life)
Marge: Wait till I tell the other moms you gave two-thirds of your life force to save me. What a good boy.
(An angry mob busts in)
Moe: He's weak!
Comic Book Guy: Slay him and take his experience points!
Bart: Wait, stop. If you kill me, I'll egg your houses in real life!
Mrs. Krabapel: It's still worth it!
(She stabs Bart in the eye)

My son is an evil knight. (Pauses) The most successful evil knight in all of Earthland Realm. Not bad.

</i> Marge

Bart: Mom, I'm going to give you life the way I imagined you gave me life--by pressing Alt-F5 repeatedly! (His game character places a zapping gaze into her eyes as she's brought back to life, then he groans and drops to the floor)
Marge: Bart, you brought me back to life (Sees her character now exhibits the lower part of a pig) as best you could.
Nelson: HA-HAAH!!! (His character is a human head with pigeon wings who flies overhead, makes fun of her, then bumps into a wall and drops into a torch, getting incinerated in the process.)

(About the album) It was like a resume to a man.

(Marge reads The Inquisitor at the Quik-E-Mart)
Marge: Sideshow Mel is in a custody battle? And it's getting bitter?
Apu: Read one more thing, and it's a purchase!
Marge: "Experts disagree on location of Heaven"?
Apu: Purchase!

Marge: This disaster-ette was a real wake-up call. We need to find a way to protect our irreplaceables.
Firefighter: You could buy a fireproof safe.
Homer: Or we could just resolve to be more careful with our open flames!
Firefighter: Sir, we've been here six times this month.
Homer: Yeah, but, um, one of those, I dialed 911 by mistake but I was too embarrassed to admit it so I set the house on fire. Feels good to tell the truth. No, I'm lying again, it feels bad.

The Simpsons Quotes

Lincoln, Lincoln. I've been thinkin'. What the hell have you've been drinkin'? Is it water? Is it wine? Oh, my gosh. It's turpentine!

Bart & Lisa

Yep, here's your problem. Someone set this thing to "Evil."

Repairman