The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXMarge Simpson Quotes
Coach: Let me get this straight. You want our boys to play a fake rematch against Springfield so your son can make the catch he missed and feel better about himself?
Marge: Exactly!
Coach: I guess I could, if you pretend to be my fiance when my mother comes to visit.
Marge: Okay, if you pretend to be our chauffeur at my high-school reunion.
Coach: Fine, fine, if you pretend to be a ghost in an old amusement park I'm trying to buy.
Marge: We should stop now.
Coach: Yeah.
Marge: Reverend Lovejoy, our marriage needs this bed!
Helen Lovejoy: Our marriage needs it more!
Rev. Lovejoy: Well, I am reminded of the story of wise King Solomon.
Homer: Pfft. You would be.
Ghost Homer: You want to have ghost sex?
Ghost Marge: I keep telling you, ghost sex is nothing! It's worse than nothing!
Ghost Homer: Then why were you moaning last time?
Ghost Marge: Because I'm a GHOST! Whooooo!
Ghost Homer: Aahhh! A ghost!
(Homer and Marge are having difficulty "snuggling")
Homer: Something has changed, but I can't figure out what. (gasps) Our mattress! I traded it to the Lovejoys!
Marge: You traded our mattress? I had my secret cash in it!
Homer: Oh, that's long gone, baby, long gone. (shows her a bling necklace with "Mattress $$$" spelled out in gold and diamonds) It was made for Elvis, but he found it tacky.
Marge: You really want to make love on half a mattress behind a billboard?
Homer: It's like our honeymoon all over again! Aw, we even have the same bum looking at us.
Bum: I knew you kids would make it! (poking Homer's stomach) Man, you got fat.
Homer: Look, we're just gonna take our mattress, do a quick sweep of the medicine chest and we're outta here. (Does a sneaking effect sound of a high-hat cymbal.)
Marge: Homer!
Homer: (Stops hi-hat effect) Sorry.
(After Bart brought Marge's character back to life)
Marge: Wait till I tell the other moms you gave two-thirds of your life force to save me. What a good boy.
(An angry mob busts in)
Moe: He's weak!
Comic Book Guy: Slay him and take his experience points!
Bart: Wait, stop. If you kill me, I'll egg your houses in real life!
Mrs. Krabapel: It's still worth it!
(She stabs Bart in the eye)
(Moe's character, a troll, appears)
Moe: I'm Moe. I'm playing this while I'm on the can.
Marge: Wow, Moe. You're a troll.
Moe: What? No. My character's suppose to look like me. (Angrily) Why does everyone keep thinking I'm a troll? (He storms off under a bridge, stomps around and mutters angrily)
(Marge's character is stuck in front of a wall)
Marge: This is really annoying.
(Grandpa is doing the same thing)
Grandpa: You're telling me.
Bart: Mom, I'm going to give you life the way I imagined you gave me life--by pressing Alt-F5 repeatedly! (His game character places a zapping gaze into her eyes as she's brought back to life, then he groans and drops to the floor)
Marge: Bart, you brought me back to life (Sees her character now exhibits the lower part of a pig) as best you could.
Nelson: HA-HAAH!!! (His character is a human head with pigeon wings who flies overhead, makes fun of her, then bumps into a wall and drops into a torch, getting incinerated in the process.)
I was killed--by my own son!
</i> Marge
My son is an evil knight. (Pauses) The most successful evil knight in all of Earthland Realm. Not bad.
</i> Marge
