The kids are a mess. You brought them home exhausted and pretentious.

Marge: You're all bald.
Homer: No, I'm young person cool-bald. Not old person sad-bald.

I don't care for silent auctions. It just encourages hovering.

Homer: That's one way to avoid drunk driving.
Marge: Another way is don't drink.
Homer: I'm not Superman.

Just once I'd like your father to be on a Jumbotron for something good.

This date night was even worse than the date night we saw Date Night.

Marge: Homer, I'm a single mother, trying to raise a family here.
Homer: But you're not-
Marge: Just zip it.

Homer: Now that's what I call a snappy retort.
Marge: Stop saying what you call things! I'm trying to watch the movie.

Marge: This is the stupidest fight ever!
Homer: We've had stupider!

Lisa: Sometimes i wish strangling your kid was still legal.
Marge: Not since they passed Homer's Law.

Homer: How would you like to have future sex?
Marge: Why do you say future this is now?
Homer: I meant a week from tomorrow. That's when the new penis gets here.

No more TV! We're going to get some fresh air and visit a museum. Of television!

The Simpsons Quotes

(The family watches Homer's launch on TV.)
Bart: Go, Dad, go!
Lisa: How doth the hero, strong and brave, a celestial path to the heavens paved!
(The family stares at her.)
Lisa: Go, Dad, go.

Mr. Burns: I specifically said, no geeks!
Milhouse: But my mom says I'm cool...