Lisa: They're using pancakes as spoons.
Marge: Ooh let's see what else they do wrong.

Marge: What if we roll pennies and go to the dollar store?
Homer: That's good, Marge. Get all the terrible ideas out of your system.

Marge: How come they never call me fun mom?
Homer: A family's like a team. On every team you have the slam dunking mega star and the referee.

Marge: I take your sugary sweets and give you healthy items...
Bart: This is exactly why kids need a union.

Edna: We have shirts from other high schools.
Marge: Ooh, we can wear those to the nice malls.

I do have a place you can go, where a man with sadistic man with government experience can feel right at home.

Wayne: Homer is implanted with several high powerful traffic devices.
Marge: How did that happen?
Wayne: I left them in a bowl and he ate them.

Wayne: Your town appears on no maps or charts.
Homer: Yeah, they couldn't find a Google map photo without me naked or urinating.
Marge: And when there was a map makers convention here, we all got Lou Gerig's disease.
Homer: Not the one you're thinking of though, there's another one.

What brought you to Springfield, was it our Frito Lay distribution center?

Homer: My doctor said don't walk.
Marge: That was a traffic signal!

You can never raise a hand to a child. Just stop cutting the crust off their sandwiches. They'll get the message.

Marge: Homey, you sure know how to please a woman.
Homer: As long as it doesn't involve losing weight or changing my pants.

The Simpsons Quotes

(The family watches Homer's launch on TV.)
Bart: Go, Dad, go!
Lisa: How doth the hero, strong and brave, a celestial path to the heavens paved!
(The family stares at her.)
Lisa: Go, Dad, go.

Mr. Burns: I specifically said, no geeks!
Milhouse: But my mom says I'm cool...