Popular Marshall Eriksen Quotes
Lily: Holy crap. We got it! What do we do with it?
Marshall: Calm down, I have a plan. I told my friend, Sudeep, about it. He wants to show it to the Columbia biology department. But it has to be alive.
Lily: Wait, no, no. They'll do lab experiments on it. That's so mean. Shouldn't we just beat it to death with a bat?
Marshall: Lily, I love you. [grabs cockamouse and run towards window] Robin, open the window! [throws cockamouse out the window]
Robin: It can fly.
Lily, Marshall: Wow.
Marshall: Be free, mutant beast. I'll miss this private war of ours. I grew to admire your tenacious...Oh my God, it's headed this way
Robin: Well, I believe that you saw something perfectly normal, but you've exaggerated it in your mind; you know, um, like the Loch Ness Monster.
Marshall: If by "like the Loch Ness Monster," you mean "totally exists and is awesome," then, yeah, it's like the Loch Ness Monster.
Marshall: No, it wasn't a cockroach, it had fur. And only mammals have fur.
Lily: It was a cockroach.
Marshall: Come on Lily, the only way it was a cockroach was if it was wearing the skin of a mouse it just killed.
Lily: Oh my god!
Marshall: Also Lily's coffeemaker doesn't, you know, shock you.
Ted: No. You gotta admit, that shock, wakes you up in the morning
Marshall: You know what else wakes you up in the morning? Coffee
Lily: Man, Ted's been acting weird. He started labeling all his food. He even carved "Ted" into that block of cheese.
Marshall: Yeah. Well, now it's Ed's
Lily: He's not cool with me moving in.
Marshall: No, that's not it. I mean, you basically lived here all along. Ted loves you.
Lily: So, what's he PMSing about?
Marshall: I stabbed Lily, I stabbed my fiancee.
Ted: Come on Marshall, do you really think she's still your fiancee?
Lily: On Monday I'm going to have to tell my kindergarten class, who I tell not to run with scissors, how my fiancé ran me through with a broadsword.
Marshall: Technically, it didn't go all the way through.
Lily: I'm sorry, were we having a discussion about the degree to which you stabbed me?
Lily: These look kinda like blood.
Marshall: OK, I know that you've all dismissed this theory before, but is there any chance that Carl is a vampire?
Barney: That's ridiculous.
Marshall: I'm serious. Think about it. He always wears black, we never see him in the daylight, only after dark.
Robin: Oh my God, that does describe a vampire, or you know, a bartender
[on his theory, Carl, the bar tender is a vampire]
Marshall: OK, think about this, is there even a single item on the menu that has garlic in it?
Lily: Garlic fries.
Marshall: OK, well, I'll get back to you
Ted: I've been there for all the big moments of you and Lily: the night you met, your first date, other first things...
Marshall: Huh-uh-uh, yeah, sorry, we thought you were asleep.
Ted: It's physics Marshall, if the bottom bunk moves the top bunk moves too
