South Park

Mayor McDaniels Quotes

Mayor: (enthusiastically) An animated Christmas card! Kids, that just might be the dumbest idea I've ever heard, ever!
 • Rating: Unrated

Mayor McDaniels: (to Jimbo and Chef) Gentlemen, I understand you are here to present both sides of an issue. I want to hear you both out and do this in a civil and constructive manner, so I can give you both the time and attention you deserve. Jimbo why don't you begin.
Jimbo: Mayor, it's about the South Park flag
Mayor McDaniels: Oh Jesus Christ, not this again.
 • Rating: Unrated

Mayor McDaniels: Alright, Eric. Here's your word. Chair.
Cartman: C'mon Phonics monkey, drum!
(Monkey does nothing)
Cartman: C'MON!
(Monkey is doing something, but not drumming)
Cartman: Eric, your word is chair!
Cartman: UhhDefinition?
Mayor McDaniels: Something you sit on.
Cartman: Country of origin?
Mayor McDaniels: English!
Cartman: Could you use it in a sentence?
Mayor McDaniels: FOR GOD SAKES, KID, THE WORD IS CHAIR!
Cartman: ChairC-H-A-R-E (Buzzer) Dammit, how come I always get the hard ones? (Runs off the stage) GET OVER HERE, YOU SON OF A BITCH PHONICS MONKEY!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Interior Department Official: Now we'll have to find a place to for it.
Mr. Garrison: I'll keep it at my house.
Mayor McDaniels: No Garrison you're just going to try and have sex with it.
Mr. Garrison: What? How dare you say that!
Mayor McDaniels: Remember what happened to the wounded pigeon you were supposed to take care of?
Mr. Garrison: Oh c'mon, you all know that pigeon was a total slut.
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Mayor McDaniels: First question: What color is blue?
 • Rating: Unrated

Randy: Mayor! I have it. I found out why people spontaneously combust.
Mayor: [over the phone] Why?
Randy: It's too complicated to explain over the phone.

[Cut to clipboard that says:]
Boyfriend == > Death
Girlfriend == > Death
 • Rating: Unrated

Jimbo: What's all the ruckus over there?
Mayor: Sounds like somebody declared shenanigans.
Jimbo: Oh, hell, I have to run home and grab my broom!
 • Rating: Unrated

Director: Lets play the Stars and Stripes. 1-2-3
(the kids play horribly)
Mayor: What the hell is that!?
Assistant: I think it's the stars and stripes.
 • Rating: Unrated

Mayor McDaniels: Well, how's the reading coming along?
Officer Barbrady: (wringing his hands) Oooh, pretty good.
Mayor McDaniels: Barbrady, we really need you to speed this up. The Chickenf(beep)ker struck again last night.
Kyle: Oh no!
Officer Barbrady: Ah mayor, please, when we're around children we prefer to call him the Chickenlover.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jimbo: Well, looks like we're not going anywhere for a long time.
Director: We're snowed in?
Mayor: Yes! We're trapped!
Mr. Garrison: Like sailors on a submarine...
Mayor: My god, this is the worst storm I have ever seen!
Director's Assistant: Oh, I have to get out of here; I haven't eaten since breakfast.
Officer Barbrady: Yeah, I'm getting kind of hungry, too!
Jimbo: I hope you all don't realize what we're facing here... Our only option might be to...eat each other to stay alive.
(Everybody in the building gasps in horror.)
Director: Uh... It's only been, like, four hours... Aren't you people resorting to cannablism a little quickly?
Jimbo: That's a while to live, Mr. Director. I don't eat plenty, but if some of us must die so the rest can stay alive so be it.
Mayor: But...how do we decide who?
Jimbo: Well, we'll draw straws...
Director: Now, wait just a minute! You've all had a big breakfast! Can't you people live without eating for a while??
Jimbo: Calm down, soldier! We need every person here to keep his head! Barbrady, fetch some straws.
Director: Well, who the hell made you the boss, anyway??
Announcer: Who the hell made Jimbo boss? Was it: Officer Barbrady? Chef? Mr. Garrison?
 • Rating: Unrated

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