Popular Michael Scott Quotes
Meredith: [reading birthday card] This one's from Michael, "Let's hope the only downsizing this year is that someone downsizes your age."
Michael: Get it? 'Cause of the downsizing. Rumors. And 'cause you're old.
Meredith: I get it.
Michael: Meredith is so old...(how old is she?) Meredith is so old, that when she went to an antique store, they kept her. I got that off the internet, it's not mine. Hey Meredith, Liz Taylor called she wants her age back and her divorces back! Get it? 'Cause she's getting old, and she's been divorced what, twice?
Michael: Okay, oh okay, okay. Close your eyes.
Jim: I would prefer not to.
Michael: Just close your eyes. I'm going to start my own paper company.
Jim: You're starting your own paper company?
Michael: yeah!
Jim: Why?
Michael: Can you believe... cause I know paper. I know everything there is to know about paper.
Jim: Do you know the industry is in decline?
Michael: Yeah! Oh God. I practically invented decline.
Michael: You need someone in the middle to facilitate -
Jake: You're just a middleman.
Michael: I'm not just a middleman.
Melissa: Wait, why doesn't the manufacturer just sell the paper directly to people?
Michael: You are describing Office Depot. And they are kind of running us out of business.
Dwight: We have better service than they do!
You might be surprised to learn that I've only been to one other wedding. It's actually a very cute story. My Mom was marrying Jeff. And they asked me to be ring bearer. I was understandably emotional and somehow my pants became wet.
Michael: Hi.
Receptionist: Hi, can I help you?
Michael: Yes, you can. I am, uh, Michael Scott, Regional Manager of the Scranton branch.
Receptionist: Yes, we were expecting you. Have a seat.
Michael: Thank you. ... Um... is, uh, Holly Flax anywhere here?
Receptionist: Actually, she's on an HR retreat for the next three days.
Michael: Oh- She's not here?
Receptionist: But, if you need to get in touch with her immediately, you could talk to A.J. He's a salesman here.
Michael: A.J.
Receptionist: Yeah, he's her boyfriend. He's just over there.
Just about everyone in this office is single right now. Including me. And everyone is experiencing an incredible amount of emotional pain. Especially me, because of my great capacity for emotion, and it is my first Valentine's Day since Holly, so I think that I am well qualified to understand that these people need to be protected from having love shoved into their faces.
Michael: Hi! Sorry, to interrupt, a little time sensitive. [to Donna] Do you, Donna, by any chance happen to shop at Victoria Secret?
Jim Halpert: What?
Michael: Because I keep getting these magazines sent to me via the address of the woman who used to live in my condo before me?
Jim: None of this is time sensitive.
Michael: Uh, yes. Uh, the sale is on now through May.
Dwight: Ask him about the party.
Michael: [on speakerphone] Oh, right. David, are you coming to my 15th anniversary party?
David: I'll give it my best shot, Michael.
Dwight: No the other thing.
Michael: Oh, ok. If we hire Cirque de Soleil as salaried employees, will that help us with year-end tax stuff? [longsilence]
Dwight: He hung up?
David: No.
Michael: Look, Dwight here is a wuss. When we rented "Armageddon", he cried at the end of it.
Dwight: Michael, I told you! It was because it was New Year's Eve and it started to snow at exactly midnight!
Michael: [As Dwight] "Oh, are they really gonna leave Bruce Willis on the asteroid? Boo-hoo!"
Michael: What if Pam was a lesbian?! What if she brought her partner into work, would that be crossing the line?
Toby: No!
Michael: What if they made out, in front of everybody...
Toby: Well, that would be...
Michael: ...at home? And I told everybody everything about it?
Toby: OK, I'm lost.
Dwight: Oh my God.
Michael: Aw, it's alright.
Dwight: Oh man,
Michael: Aw, my car.
Dwight: Not good.
Prince Grandfather: Is everyone okay?
Prince Grandmother: It sounded bad.
Dwight: Yeah.
Michael: No no, we are fine. You have done enough already.
Dwight: You've done more then you can possibly know.
Michael: Just shut up.
Jim: Dwight tried to kiss me.
Michael: What?
Jim: And I didn't tell anyone, 'cause I'm not really sure how I feel about it.
Dwight: That is not true. Redact it. Redact it!
Jim: Well, I'm not actually making a formal complaint. I just really think we should talk about it.
