Popular Mike Delfino Quotes
Mike: I've got a question for ya.
Susan: Sure, go ahead...
Mike: Where are we now?
Susan: Where are we?
Mike: Yeah...we're not moving in together we're not broken up so, where are we?
Susan: I dont know...
Mike: I'm trying to find Zach before he gets into anymore trouble. Do you know any friends that he might have? Anywhere he might be hold up? I know you were close to him.
Felicia: Funny thing... since he beat me and threw me down the stairs, we just don't stay in touch like we should.
Mike: Susan, he committed a felony.
Susan: Okay, who in this room has not committed a felony, raise your hand. Ah, ah, ah. Not so fast.
(Paul storms out of his front door to Mike's house. Mike is in the front yard, raking.)
Paul: Delfino?
(He punches Mike.)
Paul: Stay away from my son!
(Paul walks back toward his house as Susan backs out of her driveway. Mike gets up and chases Paul. Susan looks over just as Mike tackles Paul.)
Susan: Oh, my God!
(Paul and Mike wrestle. Susan, watching them, does not see the oncoming car. The car honks and Susan swerves, hitting Monroe's car, which is still parked in front of the Applewhite house. The trunk pops up. Zach runs out to his father. Mike runs after Susan's car. The Applewhites come out of their house.)
Zach: Dad!
Mike: You okay?
Susan: I'm fine.
(Mrs. Fromme, walking her cat, looks in the opened trunk, and screams. Everyone walks over and sees the dead man in the trunk. Susan and Mike look at Paul, who raises his hands in denial.)
Mike: Felicia, why are you here?
Felicia: Young Zachary and I didn't exactly part on the best of terms. In fact, when the weather's damp, I'm still reminded of our last good-bye. But forgive and forget. That's my motto. Macaroon?
Susan: So, you ran out of strangers to beat up on the street and you're going from house to house now?
Mike: I feel really awful about what happened.
Susan: You don't wanna be my boyfriend? Fine. Don't beat up the only guy who wants to volunteer for the job.
Mike: Look, I know I overreacted but come on, the way he was yelling at you?
Susan: I deserved it believe me, after what I did. God, this is such a mess, he won't even return my phone calls.
Mike: What did you do?
Susan: I said something to Dr. Ron before the operation and it just devastated him.
Mike: What?
Susan: I can't tell you.
Mike: Yeah, you can tell me anything you know that. (They are interrupted by a phone call) You wanna talk about this later?
Susan: No. No, not really. What's the point?
Mike: You're just gonna have to let this go.
Felicia: Sounds to me that there's someone let go from his rage!
Mike: Maybe I have.
Felicia: But I haven't!
Mike: So how did the two of you meet?
Orson: Oh well I've been her dentist for years... last week i was looking in her mouth and decided to put my tongue in it.
Susan: I've never stopped caring about you.
Mike: Then why did you jump in bed with Karl?
Susan: I would have never even gone there if I thought there was a chance with us. You just closed the door so completely, I- Can we just not talk about him? Have some more pie. (She feeds him) I know you like pie. I know you like me.
(At Mike's place after Oliver has played the tape of Karl and Susan talking)
Susan: Okay, ahm, first of all it was not the best sex I ever had. I just said that to make him feel better. Obviously, you are the best sex I ever had.
Oliver: That explains the punch in the face.
Mike: I'm gonna hit you again if you don't shut up.
Susan: I know that this looks bad-
Mike: You were actually fooling around with Karl behind Edie's back.
Susan: No, no, no. No, Karl lied to me. He told me that he and Edie had split up before-
Mike: You know what? I don't even care.
Susan: You're always worried about Julie and me and you beat up my new boyfriend. And now you're protecting me from Edie. Do you know what all that means?
Mike: That you're high maintenance?
Susan: Oh, I wouldn't eat that if I were you.
Mike: Why?
Susan: I made it, trust me. Hey, hey, do you have a death wish?
Mike: No, I just refuse to believe that anybody can screw up macaroni and cheese.
Mike: Oh my God. How did you...it tastes like it's burnt and undercooked.
Susan: Yeah, I get that a lot
