The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXPopular Milhouse Van Houten Quotes
Milhouse: Satan's path?
Bart: It's gotta be good if Satan put his name on it.
Bart: I'll be the demon. You be the thimble.
Milhouse: Aw, I'm always the thimble.
Milhouse: Hey, Bart. I think I have a crush on your new sister.
Bart: You had a crush on my old sister.
Milhouse: Yeah, but that wasn't going to happen.
Minnesota Vikings apparel? This is Tennessee Titans country!
(Bart uses an exact-o knife to extract the word "whore" from the Bible and he pins it up on his bulletin board along with a few others.)
Bart: We can say these swears anytime we want because they're in the Bible!
Milhouse: I don't think "Leviticus" is a swear.
Bart: Shut the hell up, you damn ass whore!
Oh, my God! I've become the world's oldest baby. Men don't get their moo-moo from a baa-baa. They get their moo-moo from a big-boy cup!
</i> Milhouse
Milhouse: Mr. Moore, will you sign my DVD of Watchmen Babies? Which of the babies is your favorite?
Alan Moore: You see what those bloody corporations do? They take your ideas and they suck them! Suck them like leeches until they've gotten every last drop of marrow from your bones!
Comic Book Guy: Nice work, Doctor Boo-Who. Your tears have smudged Wolverine's iconic sideburns. Hence, you must buy this comic. And the cost of your innocent accident is... 25 dollars, please.
Milhouse: But that's the money Yaya Sophia gave me for Greek Orthodox Easter.
Comic Book Guy: (Sighs) I hate when they tell me things about themselves.
(After Krusty announces that he's searching for a new Krusketeer)
Bart: I am so gonna try out for that!
Milhouse: Me too! But I hope you get it.
Bart: No, I hope you get it.
Milhouse: Well, I really hope you get it.
Bart: Yeah, I hope I get it too. Later!
(Bart leaves)
Milhouse: (in awe) For a second there, he hoped I got it.
(Fat Tony drives the school carpool home.)
Fat Tony: Milhouse, may I borrow your three-ring binder?
(Milhouse holds up two binders.)
Milhouse: Garfield or Love Is...?"
Fat Tony: Uh, I prefer the cat. He hates Mondays. We can all relate.
(In her car, Marge picks up Milhouse for school.)
Milhouse: I brought my own car seat. Look!
(Milhouse straps himself in.)
Milhouse: Hey, Lisa, my safety bar matches your eyes. (Laughs)
Bart: Finally someone who does whatever I say!
Milhouse: Hey, Bart. I shaved my head like you told me.
Bart: Get lost!
Milhouse: Yes, master!
