(after drinking the Flaming Homer) Wow, Homer, it's like there's a party in my mouth and everybody's invited!

Moe: (Reads his valentine) "To Moe. From your secret admirer."
Barney: Yoo Hooooo!
Moe: Oh God, no!
(Barney blows a kiss and belches)

Sideshow Mel: At least the cup is lined with felt.
Moe: Hey Mr. Positive, shut the hell up.

(singing) Happy Birthday to me, happy birthday to me. I feel so damn lonely, won't someone kill me?! cries in hands And many more!

</i> Moe

Moe: I brought you a little present. (Gives Homer a can of beer)
Homer: No. Beer bring pain.
Barney: I can't stand to see him like this. (Shoves a pillow in Homer's face. He than lifts up a water fountain, throws it at a window, jumps out and runs away)
Moe: He really needs a girlfriend.

That wasn't the Wi-Fi - that was my Bell's Palsy acting up.

Moe: Hey Clinton, get back to work!
Bill Clinton: Bite me.

Gaga: Never forget, you're all my little monsters.
Moe: Actually, I'm half monster, half Armenian. Pick your poison.

Smithers: Can I have a scotch and water?
Moe: My scotch is a scotch and water.

Moe: Hey Homer, why don't you nibble her elbow...that always melts her butter, heh heh.
Marge: Get out! Everyone get out now!
Apu: Ooooh, she's got to have it!

Marge (reading Moe's note): "Dear pus bag . . ."
Homer: Whoa, Marge, who'd you piss off?
Moe: It's for you, pus bag!

Homer: Hurry, Moe, hurry! I've only got five minutes till the music store closes!
Moe: Well, why don't you go there first?
Homer: Hey, do I tell you how to do your job?!

The Simpsons Quotes

Larry: What you got riding on this?
Homer: My daughter.
Larry: What a gambler!

Maggie? Oh, you must be sick. Let's see, what's old Dr. Washburn prescibe? Do you have dropsy? The grippe? Scofula? The vapors? Jungle rot? Dandy fever? Poor man's gout? Housemaid's knee? Climatic poopow? The staggers? Dum-dum fever?

</i> Abe