The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXFavorite Moe Szyslak Quotes
Homer: Moe, I need your advice... See I've got this friend named Joey Joe Joe Junior Shabadoo.
Moe: That's the worst name I've ever heard.
Guy: (Runs out of the bar, crying)
Barney: Aye! Joey Joe Joe!
Think of it as a wake-up call from a man with nothin' but a blow-up doll. And even she left me. Shouldn't have used helium.
Jimbo: Hey, you're that drunken posse. Wow! Can I join ya?
Homer: I don't know, can you swing a sack of doorknobs?
Jimbo: Can I!
Homer: You're in. Here's the sack.
Moe: But you gotta supply your own doorknobs.
Even the Koreans wouldn't touch this dog.
(Bart prank calls Moe's Tavern.)
Moe: Moe's Tavern, where the elite meet to drink.
Bart: Uh, hello. Is Mike there? Last name, Rotch.
Moe: Hold on, I'll check. (Calls out) Mike Rotch! Mike Rotch! Hey, has anybody seen Mike Rotch lately?
(Everyone snickers)
Moe: (to Bart) Listen to me, you little puke. One of these days, I'm going to catch you and I'm going to carve my name on your back with an ice pick.
Ned: (inner child) Stay the course, big Ned. You're doing super!
Homer: (inner child) Food goes in here! (talking) It sure does.
Moe: (inner child) Hey, Moe, what's-a-matter? You no talka with you accent no more. (talking) Mama Mia!
Bart: I'm looking for a Mrs. O'Problem, first name Bea.
Moe: Uh, yeah just a minute, I'll check. (Calling) Bea O'Problem! Bea O'Problem! Come on guys, do I have a Bea O'Problem?!
Barney: You sure do!
(The customers laugh)
Moe: It's you, isn't it!
(Bart laughs)
Moe: Listen, you. When I get a hold of you, I'm going to use your head for a bucket and paint my house with your brains!
Homer: You just lost yourself a customer!
Moe: Wha? I'm sorry, Homer I couldn't hear you
Homer: I said you just lost yourself a customer!
Moe: Huh?
Homer: You just lost yourself a customer!
Moe: Homer you're going to have to speak up!
Homer: You just lost yourself a customer, Moe!
Moe: I've forced myself to wha?
Homer: You just lost yourself a customer!
Moe: Homer.. I'll talk to you tomorrow!
Homer: You just lost yourself a customer!
Moe: Yeah you can use it!
Moe: Moe's Tavern.
Bart: Is Oliver there?
Moe: Who?
Bart: Oliver Klozoff.
Moe: Hold on. I'll check. Oliver Klozoff! Call for Oliver Klozoff!
Moe: (Reads his valentine) "To Moe. From your secret admirer."
Barney: Yoo Hooooo!
Moe: Oh God, no!
(Barney blows a kiss and belches)
(Bart prank calls Moe's from Principal Skinner's office.)
Bart: Hello? Is Homer there?
Moe: Homer who?
Bart: Homer (Lowers his voice) Sexual.
Moe: Wait one second. Let me check. Uh, Homer Sexual? Uh, come on. Come on. One of you guys has gotta be Homer Sexual.
(The entire bar laughs at Moe.)
Homer: Don't look at me! (Laughs)
Moe: Oh no... you rotten little punk, if I ever get a hold of you, I'll sink my teeth into your cheek and rip your face off!
(Principal Skinner takes the phone from Bart.)
Principal Skinner: You'll do what, young man?
Moe: What--what? Wait. Who--who is this?
Principal Skinner: I think the real question is who is this and where is Homer Simpson?!
Moe: Whoa, whoa. Sorry. Principal Skinner, sorry. It's--it's a bad connection, I think. (Hands phone to Homer.) Gah, it's for you. I think Bart is in trouble again.
Homer: D'oh!
Moe: Linda Ronstadt?! How did you get her?
Barney: Ah, we've been looking for a project to do together for a while.
