The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXFavorite Mr. Burns Quotes
Smithers: Sir, I've arranged for the people of Australia to join hands tonight and spell out your name with candles. There's a satellite hookup on that monitor if you turn your head slightly.
Mr. Burns: Bah, no time.
(Young Mr. Burns is taken away forever.)
Mr. Burns' Father: Oh well...at least we still have his little brother George.
George Burns: Buh buh buh buh, oh the sun shines so bright on my old Kentucky home buh buh buh bum--Trust me, it'll be funny when I'm an old man.
Homer: Here's an impression of Mr. Burns that you might find a little... cheeky.
(drops his pants to reveal a sad face painted on his butt; the audience gasps)
Homer: (shaking his butt) I'm Mr. Burns. Blah blah blah. Do this, do that. Blah blah blah. I think I'm so big. Blah blah blah...
Mr. Burns: (quietly furious) Destroy him.
(Two guards advance on Homer and club him over the head.)
Vampire Burns: (On the intercom) Come in, come in. Ah, more victims for the vicious undead.
Smithers: Uh, you're supposed to let go of the button.
Vampire Burns: Well son of a bi--(lets go of the button)
Marge: I think there is something a little off about him.
Homer: Yeah, his hairdo is so queer.
Vampire Burns: I heard that!
Homer: It was the boy!
Female Department of Labor Officer: This power plant violates every labor law in the book. We found a missing soccer team from Brazil working in the reactor core!
Mr. Burns: That plane crashed on my property!
Labor Inspector: This plant violates every labor law in the book. We found a missing Brazilian soccer team working in your reactor core!
Mr. Burns: That plane crashed on my property!
Charlie: Well, sir, I won't bore you with the details of our miraculous escape, but we desperately need a real emergency exit!
Mr. Burns: Why, that's a fabulous idea! Anything else you'd like? How about real lead in the radiation shields? Urinal cakes, maybe?
Get back to work, Stuart!
Mr. Burns (<i>to a duck</i>)
Ned: What do you think, Reverend?
Reverend Lovejoy: Once something has been approved by the government, it's no longer immoral.
Crowd: Yeah!
Mr. Burns: By building a casino, I could tighten my stranglehold on this dismal town!
Crowd: Yeah!
(Barney burps)
Crowd: Yeah!
Smithers: Even so, sir, we could stand to lay off a few employees.
Mr. Burns: Oh, very well! (Points at the monitors) Lay off him, him, him, him...(Sees Homer wearing Kissinger's glasses) Hmm...better keep the egghead. He just might come in handy.
Mr. Burns: Ah, my beloved plant. How I miss her...Bah! To Hell with this! Get my razors! Draw a bath! Get these Kleenex boxes off my feet!
Smithers: Certainly, sir. And, uh, the jars of urine?
Mr. Burns: Oh, we'll hang onto those.
