The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXFavorite Mr. Burns Quotes
Carl: Sir, your spare ribs, cooked just the way you like them.
Mr. Burns: Spare ribs eh? I've played around with ten pins a time or two in my life and, to me, the term spare reeks of second best. Give me ten full frames of strike ribs. [to Lenny]: And you, find my doctor and find out why I'd ask for something as insane as strike ribs.
Damn it, Smithers! This isn't rocket science, it's brain surgery!
Oh, it was a beautiful day. The sun was shining. I was driving to the orphanage to pass out toys
Smithers: It's the man in the bag sir; I think he's still alive!
(Mr. Burns beats the bag with a shovel.)
Mr. Burns: Bad corpse, bad corpse! Stop scaring Smithers! Satisfied?
Smithers: Thank you, sir.
(At an auction for a "Kissing Lincolns Penny")
Homer: Five dollars!
Mr. Burns: Five hundred.
Homer: Five dollars, cash.
Host: Sir, the promise of cash is not an endorsement. The current bid is $500. Going once, going twice--
Bart: Dad!
Homer: Five hundred-one!
Mr. Burns: Ten million.
Homer: Objection, Your Honor!
Mr. Burns: Are you acquainted with our state's stringent usury laws?
Homer: (Unsure) U...sury?
Mr. Burns: Silly me! I must have just made up a word that doesn't exist.
Take us out first. Anyone can start a family. These days no one can find a job.
You see that queen over there? Her name is Smithers.
Homer: Are you ready to laugh? I said, are you ready to laugh!?
Lady: Quiet you awful man.
Homer: You know, Mr. Burns is so cheap.
Mr. Burns: Whaaat?
Homer: I mean...Mr. Burns is so old--
Mr. Burns: How dare you!
Mr. Burns: I wanted to give you something to remember me by, I know you've always had your eye on this photo of Elvis and me!
Smithers: He was so good to mother, sir!
Mr. Burns: Yes, but I couldn't understand a word that man said! (Impersonating Elvis) Mistah Burrs, duhs a boom hang gasson for hound dawg!
Smithers: (Laughing) Stop it, you're killing me sir!
(Smithers is on fire, while Mr. Burns is washing his car.)
Smithers: Sir, help me!
Mr. Burns: Why should I? You're not helping me.
Smithers: But sir, I'm flaming!
(Mr. Burns looks at the camera with an odd expression)
Wait, I'm shooting at nazis? That's not how I remember it.
