The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXFavorite Mr. Burns Quotes
Smithers, dismember the corpse and send his widow a corsage.
Horst: (Sinister) Okay, Mr. Burns, you win. But beware. We Germans aren't all smiles and sunshine.
Mr. Burns: (Sarcastic) Oooh, the Germans are mad at me. I'm so scared! Oooh, the Germans! (Hiding behind Smithers) Uh oh, the Germans are going to get me!
Horst: Stop it!
Man: Stop, sir.
Mr. Burns: Don't let the Germans come after me. Oh no, the Germans are coming after me.
Man: Please stop the "pretending you are scared" game, please.
Horst: Stop it! Stop it!
Mr. Burns: (Pause) No! They're so big and strong!
Man: Stop it.
Horst: Stop it, Mr. Burns.
Man: Please stop pretending you are scared of us, please, now.
Mr. Burns: Oh, protect me from the Germans! The Germans--
Horst: Burns, Stop it!
Compadres, it is imperative that we crush the freedom fighters before the start of the rainy season. And remember, a shiny new donkey for whoever brings me the head of Colonel Montoya. (Smithers whispers to him) And by that, I mean, it's time for the worker of the week award.
Smithers: They're fighting like Iran and Iraq!
Mr. Burns: What?
Smithers: Persia and Mesopotamia.
Mr. Burns: What do you think, Smithers?
Smithers: I think women and seamen don't mix.
Mr. Burns: Look at him, Smithers. Exercising away. While the others are off at the candy machine.
Homer: Hey, Lenny, can you get this Sugar Daddy off my back?
Lenny: Okay, but it's the last time!
Mr. Burns: (reading Homer's letter) "Dear Mr. Burns. I'm so glad you enjoyed my son's blood, and your card was just great." Why Simpson, you've made my day, you're a true gentlemen.
Homer: Well I-
Mr. Burns: Hello, there's more. (continues reading) "In case you can't tell, I'm being sarcastic. You stink! You are a senile bucktoothed old mummy with bony girl arms and you smell like an elephant's butt!"
Burns: How much for your entire collection?
Comic Book Guy: Um, the speed of light expressed in dollars.
Burns (to Smithers): Just give him Faraday's constant.
Mr. Burns: Hello my name is Mr. Snrub and I come from some place far away. Yes, that will do. Anyway I say we invest that money back in the nuclear plant.
Smithers: I like the way Snrub thinks!
Mr. Burns: Ah, yes. Naturally, I can't pay you much of a reward because I'm strapped for cash.
(The ceiling above gives way; money and jewels pour down on him.)
Mr. Burns: As you can see, this old place is falling apart. But I'm sure we can come to an understanding.
(During the nuclear meltdown, Mr. Burns has locked Smithers out of the escape pod)
Smithers: For the love of God, sir! There are two seats!
Mr. Burns: I like to put my feet up.
Smithers: People like dogs, Mr. Burns.
Burns: Nonsense, dogs are idiots. Think about it Smithers, if I came into your room and started sniffing at your crotch and slobbering all over your face, what would you say?
Smithers: Umm...if you did it, sir?
